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When the caregiver becomes the patient: Where am I going?

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When the caregiver becomes the patient: Where have I been?

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How Can You Make Sure You Are at Your Best While Caregiving?

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Join Me – Upcoming Podcast Episode Coming Soon – November 9th

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A Look Inside Into How I Became Better

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A Not So Random Encounter

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Product Review: Magic Bullet

I know I’m behind the times as people have owned this gadget for some time now. As seen on TV featured the Magic Bullet for a long time. I however am a late adapter to technology…so I’m just getting on board now. Additionally, I tend to only buy things that I need. Who needs a bunch of gadgets that just take up kitchen counter space? After researching many online reviews and receiving recommendations from friends and co-workers, I said to myself why not just try it. I was looking for something that would help me supplement my juicing regimen, especially when I didn’t have the time to do it the night before. I’ll make a smoothie but cleaning a full size blender in the morning is too time consuming so I opted to try the Magic Bullet. It is compact and allows me to take my individual cup to go ad just make enough for myself without a huge contraption to clean. So I tried it today ad used the ingredients that I had on hand. Simple Smoothie Recipe ¼ cup Frozen strawberries ¼ cup Frozen pineapples 1 scoop protein powder 1 cup of Rice or Almond Milk It took me 5 minutes to pour ingredients into the cup and blend. The result was a delicious smoothie that filled me up and gave me energy to get going. Clean up was not very involved. I just washed the cup and blade and then made my way out the door. I give the Magic Bullet 2 thumbs up on the wellness factor scale. Final Thoughts: I would recommend the Magic Bullet to a friend. It was cost effective (I got it on sale ;)!). There was minimal clean up and it was easy to operate.

Are you a caregiver?

Have you done any of the following?

Guiding your mom in paying her monthly bills

Cleaning your grandfather's house

Taking your neighbor grocery shopping

Helping your husband get dressed every morning

Cooking dinner for your dad

Checking-in with your aunt with a daily phone call

Managing your grandmother's medication regime of 8 pills taken throughout the day and a daily shot of insulin

Or doing a million and one other things to help someone who can't manage to do all the things one must do on their own then…
You are a caregiver! The informal caregiver Caregivers come in all forms. You may be a caregiver and not know it. It starts off slowly as you help with errands such as going to the grocery store, shopping trips, a run to the bank or sometimes dropping off a meal. Perhaps you stop by now and again to help clean the home of an elderly relative, neighbor, or friend. You become the friendly face that shows that touch of kindness that often is needed by that person. Who is the Caregiver? Caregivers basically help others with everyday tasks ranging from grocery shopping or driving someone to a medical appointment to taking care of someone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Caregivers are husbands, wives, partners, daughters, sons, other relatives, friends, neighbors, a grandparent caring for a grandchild, parents caring for a child with special needs, a teenager helping his parents care for his grandfather, and others. A caregiver is anyone who is helping someone they care about - maybe its an older person who has chronic health conditions or an adult with a disability -- with everyday tasks of living. It doesn't matter what it is, how frequently it is done or how long it takes to do it; if they live with the person they are helping, live in the same neighborhood, live in a nearby city or across the country. A caregiver provides the help because they want to, because they feel a sense of obligation and responsibility. They care about the person and want to do what they can to help. Research shows that caregivers need to take care of themselves first so they can remain healthy and able to continue their caregiving roles. Put on your oxygen mask If this is you, know that even though all that you do may not be always appreciated, you need to know that you are doing a great thing and stay encouraged. Seek out resources, ask for help and recognize that you need to take time to take care of yourself. If you have ever been on an airplane, the crew has instructed you – in case of emergency- to put on your oxygen mask before helping other. The same logic applies to caregiving- you can only help someone else if you are well enough to do so. You need rest, proper nutrition, exercise and socialization. Because you do so much, you must remember to take care of you!

Acceptance

[caption id="attachment_186" align="alignleft" width="150"] "Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced." - James Baldwin[/caption]

It can be tough to sit back and watch your loved one’s health deteriorate. On a daily basis you watch their struggles and observe how the strong person that used to take care of you now needs you to take care of them. There needs to be a level of acceptance. You may at first feel some type of loneliness or some type of distress as you wonder how you will deal with this situation. You may even be angry. That anger may manifest itself as anger with God for allowing this to happen and making this situation come up at the most inconvenient time in your life. Questions like why now? Why me? Why them? Often surface. Then you may not want to deal with it so you sit in a period of denial which forces you to gloss over the situation because you truly don’t want to believe that this is real. However there comes a time where you can no longer function in a level of denial and you have to step up to the plate and make some hard decisions. You must step in and become the primary decision maker for others rather than just yourself.

I know I began to wonder what gave me the authority to now have to be head of someone else’s life. Why do I now have to adorn this responsibility? I’m just getting the hang of being responsible for myself. It’s like being thrust into the fire pit and not having the ability to put out the fire because you have no water and the air is dry. At some point you must take a deep breath and then let go and begin to organize. Just remember to take one step at a time. I’ve made it through. I expect challenges to come. However, with careful planning and mental and emotional preparation you can get through this too. You may need to seek the support of others in similar situations… seek outside connection. Don’t isolate yourself. Remember to set aside time for yourself. A little bit of solo time and time spent with others away from the situation goes a long way.

You may need to sit down and think of some ways that you can achieve a level of acceptance. Redirect your negative thoughts and energy toward something positive.

Please share: What have you done that helps you to keep going?

Barometers: Are you under pressure or cooking with pressure?

You have a clean slate everyday that you wake up. You have a chance every single morning to make that change and be the person you want to be. You just have to decide to do it! Decide that today is the day! Say it! Affirm it to yourself: This is going to be my day. I will rejoice and be glad in it. I have a friend who has a devotional site and sends out points to ponder and reflect on each day. One day a point stood out to me that really made me step back and do some self reflection. I know that we all have found ourselves in the midst of a storm, a conflict, a challenge, or a major setback in our lives. Can you agree? I want you to think back to that time in your life. How did you feel? What were you thinking? Were you stressed? Were you trying to prove a point to someone? Did you feel that you were dealing with an internal struggle? Now think back to a situation where you were seemingly in control. How did you feel then? Now please note that we are often unable to control a situation, circumstance or a person. However, you can control how you respond. So let’s bring it back to the point that caught my attention from my friend’s devotional. Are you a thermometer or a thermostat? A thermometer is controlled by the temperature in the room. A thermostat sets the temperature in the room. Let me say that again... A thermometer is controlled by the temperature and the thermostat sets the temperature. Are you affected by what someone says or does, the situation, or the circumstance around you? Sometimes you have no control over any of these “temporal” things which can be or set the temperature of our lives but we can control how we react or respond to those things. We need not take on or accept or allow ourselves to be a barometer for what is happening to us or around us. We can choose to soar like an eagle and fly high and rise above. So I ask you to think about who you want to be each day. Do you want to be the thermostat or do you want to be the thermometer? You can make that call.

A State of Consciousness

[caption id="attachment_168" align="alignright" width="300"] "Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience." - Ralph Waldo Emerson[/caption] Are you conscious of the life that you are living now? I was watching Oprah’s Life Class and she featured a show that reflected on being “present in your life”. It first aired in 2008. There was a woman named Brenda, who was a mother of two and a school principal. Her husband normally carried both kids to daycare and school, but that morning he asked his wife to drop off their 2 year old toddler Cecelia at the daycare facility. It was the first day of school for Brenda. As a principal, one can only imagine the crazy hectic pace that is expected on the first day of school where a swarm of teachers, students, and parents are scurrying around as they began the new school year. What do you think was going on in Brenda’s mind? She was under a lot of pressure to not only get herself and her kids ready in the morning, but to also prep an entire school for its opening. She stopped to buy some donuts for the teachers because it was too early to drop Cecelia off at the daycare center. The child was quietly sleeping in her car seat in the back of her car. Brenda drove to her school and continued on her day functioning on autopilot. It was business as usual, or so she thought. As I watched the recount of this story, I felt a pit drop in my stomach. Did they neglect to add a detail? I think they did; but no they did not! Brenda continued on with her day. Yes we did not hear of that one key step… that one necessary task that she needed to complete for that day. She never dropped her daughter off at the daycare center. She forgot and left her daughter in the hot car all day. To her dismay, by the time Brenda got word from a school friend who noticed that her daughter was still in the car, it was way too late. Unfortunately this was a tragic end to this story. I wish I could tell you it ended otherwise, but I can’t. You are probably wondering, “What does this have to do with me?” Yes I said it, because I know what you are thinking. It’s ok to have those thoughts. I do not take it personally. How many of us continue on our day in an unconscious state of being? Are you really aware of what’s going on around you or are you constantly rushing from task to task or obligation to obligation? As caregivers, we are often decision makers who are under a considerable amount of pressure being responsible for the care of a loved one. Some of these situations can be very serious and critical on top of our own daily responsibilities. We often go without sleep, tend to become overwhelmed with worry about situations that are out of our control, and put our lives and dreams on hold. These sacrifices can often wreak havoc on our very own health and well being. Guess what? You don’t even have to be a caregiver to suffer from the “superwoman” or superman” complex. Do you constantly try to take care of everyone or try do everything all the time? WAKE UP! Take a conscious look at your life. Don’t let a tragedy that could have been prevented be the conscious wakeup call that you need! Seek ways to slow down and realize that you can’t do it all. Ask for help. Say no sometimes. Get some rest. Take yourself out. Call a friend just to shoot the breeze. It all doesn’t have to be done today. Doing some of these things will help you be a part of life instead of life passing you by. I know that Brenda wishes she could go back in time and change what happened on that dreadful day. Her baby was sound asleep; she made no noise; she did not cry. Don’t let busyness, overwhelming responsibilities, and stress keep you from being present in the moment of where you currently are. This very second, you can wake up and become conscious of the life that you are living. ~ Oprah Winfrey.

Dealing with Stress

Here are some strategies to deal with stress:

Identify what is causing you stress: What is the source? Try to pinpoint what is bothering you.

Recognize what you can change: Change what you can if you can identify a solution. If not seek to change your response.

Reduce the intensity of your reactions: Reassess the situation. Are you overreacting? Walk away if the situation is too intense. Return when you feel calm. Resolve not to let situations get you over excited.

Re-examine your attitudes and priorities: Are you taking on too much? Can something be delegated to someone else? Learn to say no. You are not a superhero. Make yourself a priority.

Get organized: Identify when you are best productive. Take some down time. Get some rest. Be a more effective manager of your time.

Develop emotional support and use them: Open up and reach out to others. Try not to hold things inside. Set up a support system. Reach out to friends. Cultivate relationships with people and family. Seek emotional support from counselors, religious advisors or maybe join a support group.

Let it out. : Let all your emotions out. Don’t hold it in! That release may be what you may need. If you feel like laughing, crying, or screaming… do it! Be selective about where you release these emotions but create an outlet where you can do so. Perhaps you can start to write in a journal.

Ask for help: Don’t feel like it is burden to share your need with others. You will never know what resources will be helpful to you if you don’t ask. Identify some tasks and make your request.

Relaxation techniques: Listen to some soothing music. Take 5 minutes to breathe deeply. Utilize breathes in counts of 4 breaths as you inhale and then exhale. You will feel a difference!

Developing Resilience

Have you ever felt that your life is not your own? Are you constantly doing something for someone else? Sometimes I feel like I want to change my name and assume an anonymous alias. Do you sometimes feel like you can’t catch a break and are always in the middle of some challenge just waiting for it to plateau… however, when you turn around there is something else you have to contend with? If these questions seem to fit you and you can answer any of them with a resounding “Yes!”…you must be a caregiver on the verge of burn out.

[caption id="attachment_2627" align="alignright" width="300"] "I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom."- George S. Patton[/caption] Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed myself. I am feeling tired of having this responsibility and I just want to put all of this aside. I try to maintain a positive attitude. However, when faced with a grouchy sick person who has otherwise been for the most part reasonable to get along with, turn around and flip the script and act with the most unpleasant behavior and attitude toward you and others………… you start to question a few things. Why am I doing this? Why do I have to put up with this? Why is God allowing this to happen? How can I continue to deal with this and move forward with the things that I want for my life? Will I be able to pursue what I want? I was caught in one of these moments in the past week. My father decided to be angry with everyone – himself, me, my mother, and the aide. His behavior was inexcusable. There’s nothing like trying to remain pleasant with someone who is being stubborn and refuses to listen to reason. As for me, I tried to reason with the irrational. At that point, an otherwise reasonable man was facing a pivotal point in his life – the thought or realization that he may never walk again on his own and will probably always need someone’s help. At that moment, my Dad’s ability to be rational was severely compromised because his independence is slowly, “yet rapidly”, in his mind escaping him. My thought is why be mad at the world? Why be mad at me? I have endured so much with you…advocating on his behalf by talking to doctors, nurses, and all kinds of medical staff - so much so that I can say that I’ve been through a mini medical school boot camp. What did I do to you to be on the receiving end of this dialogue of dissatisfaction? I didn’t make you sick or cause certain things to go “wrong” with you. I must stop here…..because I realize it’s not about me. It’s not even about what he said or what’s going on and how he even got there. I began to absorb his negative energy and started wondering what’s in it for me and how can I still pursue my goals. One of the ways to develop a level of resiliency is to have something else to focus on. Is there a dream that you have that you buried because as a caregiver you don’t have the time to pursue it? One of my passions is writing and one of the reasons for starting this blog. Experts say write about what you know. I want you to remember that, whether or not you are a caregiver, having balance in your life is key and it is especially important to carve out some time for yourself. Do you have any desires and passions that lay dormant? These things can serve as an outlet and give you something else to focus on besides the person’s ailment and all the responsibility that comes along with being a caregiver. Pursue them. You are feeding your spirit which will give you more energy to fulfill your dreams and desires along with your caregiving responsibilities. I recommend that you don’t forget about yourself during this time and process. Joel Osteen said, “One way to tell if a dream is really from God is that the desire won’t go away. You may have had it for years, but you still can’t let it go. In fact, you may have tried to let it go, but it won’t let go of you.” I encourage you to reach out and search your heart for those dreams and desires that reside within you. They are there for a purpose and it is a disservice to yourself and others if you don’t pursue them. This is how you bounce back. This is how you become resilient. This is how you keep going. What have you done that helps you to bounce back? Are there dreams and desires that you’ve let go? Please share your thoughts.

Music Makes the World Go Round!

Have you ever felt blah and then your favorite song comes on and suddenly you feel like dancing? A smile immediately comes on your face and now you just feel happy! I was in my car driving to work and a new favorite song came on. Immediately my demeanor changed and I was just singing along with the radio and bopping to the beat. People in the car next to me at the red light must have thought I was crazy to be this chipper so early in the morning. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t consider myself to be much of a morning person until after I’ve had my breakfast. I just couldn’t help myself and I just allowed the music to take hold of me. Sometimes you need not care who’s looking. Today I am reminded that music can be a powerful tool. It can set the tone for your day and change your mood. It can spark creativity and provide focus. It can motivate you to move. It can inspire. Music can help you gain clarity. Music sets a wonderful tune to your attitude and the atmosphere around you. I love all different kinds of music. When I need to feel calm or to relax my mind, I often find classical music helps me. I gain a clear head and then I can write. What kind of music helps you? Find your favorite tune to suit your mood. Do you want to be energized? Seek some up-tempo beats. If you don’t feel like cleaning, perhaps putting on your favorite dance music can turn that unappealing chore into a party. Music can be a source of balance. So if you are having a crazy kind of day, just put on your favorite song and find your joy, peace and/or calm and be well.

Building Your Financial Roadmap Part 1

How many of us would love to be independently wealthy and not have to worry about finances or what’s going on in the economy? I’m pretty sure that your hand just went up and you’re jumping up and down saying, “Oh me me me!” I know I feel the same way too!

There are certain things that one needs to do in order to get to generating wealth for yourself and securing your financial future. I’m going to introduce to you those building blocks so you can be well on your way.

Define your plan by building your road map

The first step is to define where you want to be. I know you are probably saying I already know where I want to be and that’s rich! Well there’s an old adage that says “if you don’t know where you came from, you won’t know where you are going.”

My goal is to help you to get on task and on target for doing what you need to do to achieve your goals. That means facing things you don’t necessarily want to do or look at. The best way to get to where you want to be on that road is to design a roadmap which will be your financial plan. This plan will serve as the driving force to propel you to where you want to go. You will be able to identify what you want to save and invest for.

Identify your Goals

As part of this first step you need to list your most important goals and decide how long it will take to get there. Your goals can be broken down into short term, midterm and long term goals.

Short term goals typically are less than 3 years and take less risk. Generally you would hold your cash in the bank.

Mid-term goals take 3-10 years which would be more to accumulate assets. Perhaps you are looking to save for a down payment of 20% for a house. It may take you more than 3 years but less than 10 years or greater to do so.

Long-term goals would generally be 10 years or greater because there is a long time horizon or it is something that is needed far off into the horizon. An example may be saving for retirement. It is important to identify these types of goals so you can align your plans and work accordingly to get to where you want to be.

Take 30 minutes. Sit down and identify what you want you want to accomplish for the next year, 5 years and 10 years. It can be difficult to focus on these things but you need to shift your thinking to that promotes living on purpose and allows you to act with intention. If you are able to do these things now, you will find that you will be closer to achieving your goals and have a more enjoyable life which will enable you to live well.

Disclaimer: The purpose of this blog post is to serve as a point of reference and it is for informational purposes only regarding the topic of personal finance. I will attempt share lessons and information that I’ve learned along the way. While I do have over 10 years of experience in the financial market, this blog should not serve as your main source of financial advice nor does this blog serve as a solicitation for clients. You should ALWAYS do your own research and consult your own financial professional when making decisions about your personal financial future.

Building Your Financial Road Map Part 2

Here comes the fun stuff...you must assess your current situation. I think this area becomes the biggest roadblock for most folks. They don’t want to realistically face what they’ve been hiding from. Is that you? (more…)

Allow Me to (Re) Introduce Myself

For those who know me - Hello & Happy New Year!! For those who are new to my little slice of the web, allow me to introduce myself… My name is Denise and I am a writer, speaker and coach. (more…)

Be Well Be Swell : Thoughts Behind the Title and the Tagline

You are probably wondering why and how did I come up with this cute little catchy moniker. Well one day it just popped in my head. (more…)

Dream Reader, Is that you?

Who is my dream reader? At first, when I looked at this assignment, I thought that I would skip it. I already defined who my reader would be in a previous post and maybe even touched upon this in my bio. I have been known to skip the gym, put off writing assignments ( LOL.. hence this late post for Blogging 101), and skimp on sleep ( yes, I know this is not good for me - especially when I feel like a zombie the next morning, but I’m a work in progress) to handle what I may feel is a more pressing matter at the time. But enough about me, this is really about you – my dream reader.

Things always come up but, you have to decide what’s important and how you’d like to define what your life will be like. Sure I’ve mentioned this before nevertheless, I’ll say it again – you can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself. If you are always putting everyone else’s needs, wants and desires before your own, you will be unhappy and have a very unfulfilled life. Now I know that you don’t want that. You’ve probably heard of that oxygen mask analogy. Basically before takeoff, the flight attendant tells you that in the event of an emergency to put your oxygen mask on first and then help the person, child or adult, sitting next to you. Why do they tell you to do this? It’s simple, before you can help anyone else you must tend to your needs first so that you can give of yourself to others.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not recommending that you drop all the important commitments of your life to go run off and frolic through the tulips. (If that brings you joy, by all means take some time to do that but schedule it first.) Some of us have families, jobs, kids and /or elders to look after. Somewhere in your long to do list, you may need to squeeze some time for yourself and make you a priority. As Joel Osteen says, “You are a victor and not a victim!” Think it, believe it, and declare it! Your circumstances don’t have to define you but you can define your place and your state of mind in the midst of your circumstances.
How can you make you a priority?

Define what you want in life. – Set some goals and boundaries. Commit to a process and let go of being chained to an outcome.

Learn to Say “No”. – Define deal breakers. Identify how you will respond to challenges and naysayers.

Forgive – Forgive yourself and others. (You may not forget, but let it go so you can move on. Be at peace with whomever and whatever that’s stealing your personal joy.)

Make time to do things for you. – What do you like to do? Define, decide and then do it!

I’m not sure if I really defined who my dream reader is. Or am I really writing more to get these thoughts out of my head? Can you relate? I hope to connect to the person who has dreams and may have quite a full plate. There’s no need for you to sacrifice all of your dreams at the hands of your circumstance(s). We are placed here to live joyfully and abundantly and to commune with others.
So what say you? Are you my dream reader? Did this resonate with you? Are you ready to join me on this journey? Please share your thoughts.

Try a little random kindness

We just had a major snow storm and some people were upset that it wasn't as huge as what the meteorologists had predicted. I was having a horrible day. Not enough snow.. hmmph, I beg to differ! (more…)

Did you know that November is National Family Caregiver’s Month?

[caption id="attachment_2749" align="alignright" width="300"] “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the things which you think you cannot do.” — Eleanor Roosevelt[/caption]

That’s right it’s official. Attention Caregivers: You get your own month!! Isn’t that exciting? The President has issued a proclamation declaring November as National Family Caregiver’s Month. (more…)

Top 4 Ways to Show Thanks to a Caregiver

Caregivers are known to be nurturers by nature and are always offering up themselves by doing things for others. This becomes especially true during the holiday season. It tends to be an even busier time of the year when they may try to make the holiday resemble times they enjoyed in past years. However, this may become an even more challenging feat when a sick family member resides in the home and needs extra special care and attention. During Thanksgiving and throughout the holiday season, if you know a caregiver, offer some assistance as a gesture of thanks. Just know that at this time of the year, it can be a little bit overwhelming especially when they may be doing a lot of cooking and shopping which gives the caregiver some extra stuff to do. Perhaps what you can do for a family member or friend is take some of the tasks off their hands. They may be short on help at this time.

Simply giving the caregiver a phone call to check in on them to see how they're doing can make a world of difference. This is often a nice gesture. Often people will call to inquire about how the person who they are caring for is doing, but neglect to inquire about how the caregiver is doing.

Ask them if they need any help or assistance. Perhaps you can offer to go to the store for them so that takes some things off their to-do list. If the caregiver doesn’t have an in-home aide or someone to stay at the home with the patient, offer to spend a couple of hours with the patient so they can go out and run their errands.

If they do have someone to stay with their loved one, offer to go to lunch with them or go out to dinner. Oftentimes caregivers don’t do anything for themselves. Maybe a dear friend is in need of some respite, perhaps treat her to a massage so she can get some much needed pampering and time away. Caregivers often miss the socialization of meeting with their regular friends and family outside of their regular caregiving duties.

Offer to do something around the house for them. Something as simple as shoveling snow on a walkway, raking leaves, mowing the lawn or maybe a simple fix it job at their home that you may have heard them say needs to be done. No matter what the season, just offering a simple helping gesture can make a world of difference in a caregiver’s life.

You may find that the caregiver is a bit hesitant to receiving help. They just don’t want to appear needy. It’s often difficult for them to be on the receiving end of a kind gesture. Don’t let that deter you from offering to help them. Keep trying. Don’t underestimate the power of an uplifting and encouraging word, or a kind gesture that shows that someone cares about them. As a caregiver myself, I really appreciated the small things that people did to extend kindness to me especially, at a time as an only child caregiver, when I felt alone. You will make a difference in someone’s life if you take a step and offer to help. It will be welcomed. What are some ways that you can help a caregiver during the holidays?

Today’s Devotional – Forgiveness

Scripture: “ Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13 New Living Translation (NLT)

I was working on a huge project and have been procrastinating somewhat because it was forcing me to my define goals. I also needed to make sure it fell within my purpose. With that being said, I can admit that I am also a recovering procrastinator and perfectionist. The two often go hand in hand because perfectionists often procrastinate to get things done because they are striving for perfection. Yup that’s me – a continuous work in progress. Anyway in true procrastinator fashion I open my social media app and began to scroll through the posts of the day. And why not, I’m taking a “break” from my project. Low and behold I came across posts from a celebration that I wasn’t invited to. Yes there you have it - photos of smiling familiar faces from an event that I was excluded from. Did I miss the invite…was it emailed or mailed? Unfortunately - no it wasn’t. Immediately feelings of hurt flooded over me and caused me to hang my head low. I was offended. Now whether the offense was intentional or unintentional oversight, it still did not feel nice. Break time was over, so I continued with my project and finished for the night. I was able to come up with a workable draft that gave me a lot of insight as to my next steps. Usually I just brush things off and keep going, but this still weighed subconsciously on my heart. I began to reflect on today’s scripture to make allowances for other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. I realize that my progress is blocked when I harbor forgiveness.

I’m reminded also that things are working for my good. God knows the plans he has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and he knew that I needed to be in working on my project because it is setting the stage for what’s coming up for me this year. He also knew that I was booked for the next few weeks, so my downtime needed to be filled with productivity. His purpose and plan was to keep me on target and on purpose. Had I attended the event, I would not have been focused and made progress on my project. And so it is!
So today ask yourself:

Is there anything that you are harboring in your heart today?

Is there an offense you need to let go?

What steps can you take to allow forgiveness in your heart?

Short prayer: Lord help me to let go and forgive those who have knowingly offended me. I know that according to your word that all things are working for my good. Today I choose to forgive and believe that you are protecting me and ordering my steps. As I forgive the offenses of others, I am reminded that you also forgave me. I am thankful that you continue to cover me with your grace and mercy. - Amen

Advocacy

As a caregiver it’s important to know what’s going on in your community and the caregiver community at large. There are many issues that caregivers face. Knowing your rights and what protections exist are key to being an effective advocate for your loved ones. When you are armed with information, you will be able receive and provide the best support for those in your care. The Advocacy section will alert you to changes in legislation and tips on how to help you navigate the process.

Free AARP Online Family Caregiving Fair 2016

wocintech stock -8 by #WOCinTech Chat is licensed under CC BY 2.0 This is the ultimate resource for caregivers! The AARP Online Family Caregiving Fair is an online event where you'll get the opportunity to chat one-on-one with live with reps from different government agencies, non-profits and none other than the guru in caregiver resources -AARP. There will be all sorts of resources, videos and live events. And to top it off, you'll get to participate in live events including a webinar with Holly Robinson Peete!!! Ok ok I know that you are wondering how do I sign up? How much does it cost? When is it??? So here are the details: Date: Thursday, November 17, 2016 Time: 11AM - 4PM EST Cost: Free Where: Online - Click here to sign up! Be sure to attend to get the tips and resources you'll need first hand if you are caring for a loved one. I know you are probably saying what happens if I can't make the time because it happens during the middle of the day. No worries! This is the beauty of technology. Don't fret register anyway!! Why? You will get ongoing on-line access to the 2016 Caregiver Fair including resources and you will be able to view the recorded webinars on-demand. Now isn't that convenient?!! Don't delay register today!

Do you have a question that you'd like me to answer on a future live stream broadcast? Share your question with me HERE.

Top 11 Gifts for Seniors

Is there an elder in your life who could use something that could make their life easier? This list contains things any senior would love to have in their home and for those who are always on the go. Share with your parents, grandparents, friends and neighbors. These handy gifts are not just for seniors but can make a caregiver's life easier too.

Key Finder : Lost keys can be easily found with this handy gadget!

Roomba iRobot Vaccum: Save a little time with a vacuum that does the work by itself.

Handibar : A handy tool to help you get in and out of the car.

Grab Reach Tool: No need to bend or struggle to grab things that fell or are located in hard to reach places.

My Pillow: Enjoy a good nights sleep on this comfortable pillow!

Keurig Coffee Maker: If you are on the go pop in a Kcup, brew your favorite beverage and jet off to the activities of the day!

Hot Water Bottle : This handy hot water bottle is good for aches and pains and come with a stylish cozy cover so the heat won't feel too hot!

Big Button Cordless Phone: With this big button phone you'll be able to see who's calling and make those important calls.

Magic Mug: Start your day off with a smile that forms as you pour!

Blood Pressure Monitor: Keep on top of your numbers by checking your blood pressure daily with a portable monitor.

Poloroid Instant Print Camera: Capture those memories and instantly print and share them with your loved ones!

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Yoga: A Life Saver for Caregivers

What is yoga? It is a mediation that allows time for your mind and body to connect to your spirit through movement and utilizing your breath. Yoga allows you to quiet the chatter and focus with deep breathing. If you find yourself tense and filled with worry, you may find that stress will take its toll and manifest itself as a host of health issues in your body. As a caregiver, we often hold on to a lot because we are responsible for many things. As a result, we sacrifice our own wellbeing to be in service to others. I want to you ask yourself is it really worth it? To be honest, I don’t think so. Relax, I know firsthand that it’s easy to say and not always easy to do. For me, yoga allows me to intentionally slow down. There’s a lot on my plate and I can’t afford to be taken out of commission. One thing that I’ve come to know for sure is that if you don’t slow down, you may be forced to do so either temporarily or permanently. Constantly focusing on things we can’t change or in essence affect can be a heavy burden. For me, yoga helps me to release that energy and encourages me to have a quiet stillness through focused movement and deep breathing which is a big stress reliever. Not only does yoga help relieve stress, but The American Osteopathic Association also boasts that some physical benefits of yoga include reducing chronic pain, such as lower back pain, arthritis, in addition to lowering blood pressure and reducing insomnia. Trust me, if you are going through a challenge, I know just how you feel. At one point both of my parents were hospitalized simultaneously and were staying at different facilities. That meant that I was running back and forth from one place to another. Looking back on that situation, I can say that was a crazy time especially since I’m an only child!! It was at that time that I decided to start a daily practice of yoga. It helped me to stay centered and able to handle the challenges that I faced. There’s nothing like juggling having to deal with doctors and learning about varying conditions and diagnoses in multiple facilities for two people. Sheesh.. calgon take me away!! I know that you are saying #aintnobodygottimeforthat! But really.. it doesn’t take much time. It only takes 5-10 minutes to get started and it can positively affect your day and attitude. I began to think of my yoga time as a piece of heaven – a space in time that was carved out just for me. I granted myself permission to do something completely centered on myself. And no.. this time is not selfish but very necessary. You also are probably saying, “I’ve never done yoga; I don’t know what to do.” Go to YouTube, it’s a great place to start. There are tons of beginner videos and it just takes a few minutes of deep breathing to get your mind quiet to focus on your breath and your pose. It’s like a piece of peace. You have to just start doing it. Your local cable station may also have some morning shows. I usually record them on my DVR and then I can replay them anytime that I want, especially when I need a quick pick me up. You’ll find that over time the poses will get easier and you’ll be calmer and more focused. Strive for 5 minutes and gradually increase to 10 and then 15 minutes and so on. Feel free to adapt the time to fit your schedule. You can also search for bedtime routines that feature poses geared toward relaxation so you can rest with ease. Some helpful items to have on hand include a towel, yoga mat, yoga block, and a yoga strap. The towel, block and strap can be used to modify poses if you need to. Or you can start with a beginner’s yoga dvd to test the waters. Recently, I found myself on edge and I realized that I have been choosing to sleep in instead of getting up and doing yoga. In the past, I found that yoga was energizing for me in the morning versus me snoozing for that extra 10 minutes. So I am intentionally starting my daily practice again. I want you to know that you can start wherever you are and watch the benefits flow. Do you want to join me? Let me know if you’ve tried yoga and how it has helped you. This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my affiliate policy.

How To Survive The Hospital Waiting Room

A friend of mine posed an interesting question after a recent visit to the hospital for a parent who was having a procedure. She asked me, “Wouldn’t it be cool if they had spa treatments or hot cocoa for patient families while you wait?” I thought, “Hmmm… you may be on to something.” Having spent time in the waiting room more often than I have ever wanted to, I said this sounds like a concierge type of service. At resorts a concierge typically assists guests by performing various tasks such as making restaurant reservations, booking hotels, arranging for spa services, booking transportation like taxi, limousines, valet parking. But wait…did you know that some hospitals and medical facilities offer this type of services to their patients and employees??? This is an excellent way to allow caregivers to help the patient focus on healing while other things are being handled. Check your local hospital to see if they do! Some offer premium ala carte services for a fee and others offer concierge services as part of their patient care. I’d say that it would definitely be well worth it to use these services if they are available to you. I mean who wouldn’t love to have an hour massage to help ease anxiety felt during your wait time while a loved one is in surgery. That would calm some of the nerves down now wouldn’t it? I think this would be great if all hospitals offered concierge services to their patients and their families! A growing number of facilities are now providing this type of self-care. In case your local hospital doesn’t offer these services, you can be in charge of your own self-care while you are spending some time in a hospital waiting room. So - What can you do?

Bring Healthy Snacks – Trail mix, nuts, and fresh fruit make good easy to carry light weight healthy snacks that can be filling and tide you over while you wait. Be careful not to overindulge in comforting sugary snacks as it may temporarily be tasty on the lips but permanent on the hips. Caregivers beware.

Drink lots of water – Be sure to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water and resist the urge to reach for sugary sodas and juices available in the cafe. Most offer other healthy green juice options too.

Read a book – You are probably thinking, I can’t sit still to read. I actually find reading very calming and it allows me to focus less on what might be weighing on my mind. I carry my trusty Kindle. It allows you to bring along all of your favorite books and magazines. It’s compact and easy to carry!

Be sure to wear comfy clothes and shoes. You may be at the hospital for hours. Try not to be stationary. Be sure to get up and walk around the hospital grounds and burn off some of that nervous energy and get the blood circulating. Find comfort that God has your loved one in his hands and He will take care of them.

Bring a charger for your phone. Use your smartphone as a handy device that can allow you to catch up on streaming shows, movies, or you can just call someone to chat.

If you can, bring a supportive friend and have lunch. It helps to keep your mind off the wait.

I know that it can be nerve racking to sit in the hospital waiting room while your loved one is having surgery. Just remember to breathe, take a walk and trust that God’s got it under control. To get prepared, think about what you can bring with you on your visit to make you feel more comfortable. Please feel free to share what has helped you during a hospital visit or if you have any ideas, please leave a comment.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers

So you fell into this role and you’re basically flying by the seat of your pants. I know it’s tough. You may receive lots or very little advice from friends and loved ones. You may even read what’s in the news and that leads you to feel anxious or filled with worry. Believe me I’ve been there and I still have my moments. However, you can’t help others if your cup stays empty because it’s being drained by people, places or things that you’ve made a priority over what’s really important.

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing:
STOP:
1. Making decisions based on the news & current events

This leads to scary, defeatous thoughts and anxiety – You deserve peace and joy in your daily life.

Watch the news less, try not to consume it before bed for a more restful sleep.

2.Trying to time the right time to get or do something

The best time is right NOW! – Point blank. There doesn’t ever seem to be a good time to do anything. I’m still learning this!

There will always be something that comes up and will always be pulling you in different directions. Carve out time and get it done NOW!

3. Basing things solely on past occurrences.

The only thing that is constant is change.

Life is a fluid thing, if we only rely on reflection on thngs that we did or didn’t do, we can never move forward. Breathe, accept and let it go.

Plan for reasonable goals with realistic time frames, not based on other people’s experiences. What do you need? What do you want? No more excuses!

Design a plan that allows you to have joy in your life. Constantly doing everything for others and not doing anything for yourself leaves you on empty. Remember you must fill your cup! This is the first post in a series of four. Stay tuned for next the installment.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers – Part 2

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing: (If you missed the first 3 tips check out part 1 here)

Stop:

4. Making decisions based on the media – social media, news or any other type of media.

Constantly engaging in this type of media will have you constantly spinning your wheels and forces you to move and make decisions out of fear.

Be careful of the source and the validity of the information.

5. Worrying about the many things that are outside of your control. ( Confession folks – I’m still working on this one but acknowledging is half the battle ;)

Things will happen as they may. Let’s face it, most of what you worry about doesn’t even happen. Am I right?

Worry is like sitting in a rocking chair – You are moving but you aren’t going anywhere!!!! (Memo to self – stop rocking and start rolling – you have much to do ;) )

6. Don’t get caught up in “they say” (Ok ok.. pause here – Truth moment: I get caught up here too). Here’s my question – Who is “they”? and why am I trying to do everything that “they say”? Hmmm!!

They probably did “that” because that was best in “that” moment for “their” situation. But it may not be the best course of action for you. Take it in but only apply if it works for you.

It’s ok if you choose a different route or option. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty if you choose to do something different other than what family or friends recommend. They may have the best of intentions but it may not be the right option for your situation.

Some things need to be tailored to your specific situation ie: estate planning, care planning, disease management, etc. Consult an expert and don’t be subject to someone’s suggested “rules of thumb”. It may or just may not apply.

This is the 2nd post in a series of 4. Stay tuned for the next installment.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers – Part 3

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing: (If you missed the first 6 tips check out part 1 and part 2.)

Stop:

7. Taking too much risk (and risk your way to the poor house) with that “You can’t take it with you mentality or YOLO (you only live once as the millennials love to say these days.)

What happens is that you’ll risk yourself to the poor house.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t have fun and take respites see prior point # 6) but you need to be aware of what you need, what’s require and how carelessness impacts your present and ultimately your future.

You may want to live all of your life now because you don’t want to be like grandma who never left the house. Just be aware of situations and circumstances. There are times for everything. Be mindful of what season of life that you are in and how that impacts what you do today and how the decisions you make will affect you and your family’s well-being.

8. Being underinsured (Or being over-insured)

Knowing what your own personal health insurance coverage provides is important. There has been some major changes and with the new administration, you can expect that there will be more to come – and it may not be in your favor.

Learn what type of coverage that your elder or loved one has and assess if they have what you need. Do you know what are the important requirements for insurance coverage for a sick person?

9. Saving too much (Wait what? Yes see below!)

You need to enjoy life while you are living. Have you heard of that old saying “You can’t take it with you?” How many people go into the ground with the intention of I’ll take that vacation when I retire. Then they retire and find themselves home bound with a chronic ailment and filled with regret because they didn’t enjoy life while they were younger. (Ok this is a bit dramatic, but I’ve seen this happen firsthand.) So what’s the solution? Allow yourself to have some respite moments. If you have kids and/or are caring for an elder – take a trip and arrange for coverage. Burning the candle at both ends is not good for the people around you if you’re health is compromised. Trust me a break is necessary!

Being too frugal will leave you strapped being experience less and life poor. A miserly existence can be miserable, but that doesn’t mean you should not save and use wisdom at all or do something completely outrageous.

This is the third post in a series of four. Stay tuned for the next installment.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers – Part 4

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing: (If you missed the first 9 tips check out part 1, part 2, & part 3.)

Stop:

10. Telling yourself you’ll take care of it tomorrow. (Estate planning, financial planning, etc.) DO IT NOW!

We’re not promised tomorrow. You don’t want to be stuck at the last minute with a family member who’s incapacitated without authority to make decisions on their behalf. At the very least obtain a power of attorney and fill out a healthcare proxy. If you want to take a more individual review, you can book a session and we can examine your situation.

11. Being an emotional decision maker.

Being a caregiver has its challenges and I understand how tough it is to see your loved one be in a feeble position and there’s not much you can do to make them feel better.

Try not to let your emotions cloud your judgement when it comes to money, and managing your household.

Think about what’s in the best interest for the person at hand. i.e. If the person is diabetic, then buying sugar filled sodas and candy may not be the best thing to support their diet. They may lay the guilt trip “I’m sick anyway…” but that can severely impact their quality of life if you constantly give in.

12. Not putting yourself first. Please know that self-care is not selfish (You’ll hear me saying this a lot because I learned that this is so true.)

Surrendering who you are, what’s important to you and why and not exploring any of these areas is not good!

You were a whole person with desires and dreams before you became a caregiver and will still be one when you transition out of that role. (Yes it will happen- it’s just part of the caregiver life cycle.)

You deserve to have space to pursue and have a joyful and joy filled life. It takes intention and trust me you’ll be happier and able to better care for others if you can allow yourself the time.

Over this 4-part series we explored everything from productivity, managing finances, self-care, emotions, legal stuff, rest, decisions, time and health as it relates to you and caregiving. It’s a juggling balance and sometimes things shift in favor of one area more than others. Having a good grasp on your needs will help you to make the best decisions and have a happier life. I hope you’ve picked up a few things and it provoked some thought. Remember caring for yourself is not selfish (remember I said you’ll hear this a lot from me. I’m also reminding myself too ;) ) Be sure to catch part 1, part 2, & part 3 as there are some golden nuggets that you don’t want to miss. Feel free to share some of the things that you’ve learned on your journey. Until next time. Be Well, Denise

5 Thoughts to Have as Memorial Day Approaches

Happy Memorial Day – uhm no one ever really says that do they? No, not really. Traditionally Memorial Day is a day of remembrance –A day to remember those who died while in active duty serving our country. First, I want to thank those who served and protected us, which affords us certain freedoms that others only dream of having. However, on this Memorial Day I am proposing a twist – in conjunction with remembering our fallen heroes let’s celebrate our daily heroes – our elders and caregivers. Let us share some flowers with those who are with us that have sacrificed and served and helped to make someone’s life better. For many Memorial Day marks the unofficial start to summer. People are getting ready to don their aprons and BBQ hats to fire up the grill. For this weekend, let your focus be on someone else and help create memories for the days to come. Here are 5 Quick Tips to Remember a Senior and/or Caregiver:

Let us not forget those who may sick, grieving a loss, shut-in or alone.

Look in on a senior: Call an elderly relative, stop by and drop off some BBQ.

Call a friend or family member who’s a caregiver and let them know that you are thinking of them. Chances are they have been busy and don’t get a day off like everyone else.

If you have a BBQ at your home – Invite them. They may say yes and even if they say no, I bet they will enjoy knowing that someone is thinking of them. It might just lift their spirits.

If a loved one has passed on, think of how you can do something to honor them –Look at old photos, recall funny stories, or make a new tradition to pay homage to them on that day.

What are some ways that you can help remember a loved one? Please share in the comments.

#OperationSimplify – Tips for Getting Your Life Organized

One of the fundamental laws is that life flows in cycles…. At some point:

What goes up must come down

What was smooth may become bumpy

What was straight will become crooked

What was neat will become a mess

Unlike what the Ronco Rotisserie (Which I love by the way and I use it often to make a scrumptious juicy rotisserie chicken!) wants you to believe is that you can’t continuously live on autopilot with a “set and forget” it mentality. You eventually have to look at the chicken to make sure it continuously spins and doesn’t burn against the hot coils or that it somehow hasn’t fallen off the spinning mechanism. Do you want to know how I know – It’s because I’ve done it. You’ve put systems in place and let it go. Now as a caregiver it really does work, but you have to check in on your systems periodically and basically tweak as you go. There’s always a chance for something to go awry but know that you can handle it and you’ll always be able to bounce back! Just expect and accept that things may not go as you planned all of the time.

#OperationSimplify is a lifestyle.

The more we move toward a state of acceptance and move to simplify our lives of everything whether it is physical clutter – clothing, paper, old stuff that takes up space in our environment or mental or emotional clutter – holding on to past hurts, grudges or fears. We can overcome these challenges that come up in life with deliberate action and knowing that we can always begin again from wherever we are. I challenge you to make a commitment to yourself to simplify your life in all areas.

What can you improve financially?

Are you happy in your career or profession?

What would you like to change in your relationships with family, kids, spouse, and friends?

What’s something new that you would like to learn?

Do your parents need help?

As I said before, the main the thing is that everything moves in cycles. This is why we need to check in and schedule an appointment with ourselves. In this ongoing #operationsimplify series, we’ll explore various projects to get and keep your life in order. We can only Be Well and Be Swell and maintain a life filled with joy if we are intentional about it! Stay tuned!
This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my affiliate policy.

Are you ready to cast your vote?

Election time is coming! Everyone’s vote counts as you can see by what happened in the past presidential election. –We won’t get political but I just want to remind you that it’s important to cast your vote. It doesn’t matter what your party affiliation is, but it’s important that everyone who is eligible gets to vote. You may be thinking why bother - it’s not going to do me any good anyway! My parents used to think like that, but I reminded them that the elected officials really do have an impact on things concerning them. Critical issues that directly affect them including cuts to Medicare, the ACA and supplemental health coverage and other benefits affecting the elderly and the sick. Considering that my parents each have had extended stays in the hospital and needed care, it became a very important issue that we must keep on top of. My Mom’s absentee ballot arrived in the mail last week. I signed up for this years ago, and it comes automatically for each election – primaries and general elections. It reminded me that this is something that everyone who’s caring for an elder should consider for them as well. If the loved one that you are caring for isn’t able to get to the polls, consider requesting an absentee ballot for them. The primary elections may be over but the November ballots are important, especially for these interim elections securing seats for those who will be representing you in your city and in Washington. There’s a lot of changes happening with regard to caregiver and eldercare legislation and you ought to be sure that your needs are being considered. Healthcare reform is a hot button issue and other rights are being discussed every day. Be sure that you are in on that conversation! Don’t wait until it’s too late. You should have received your voting registration details by now. If you haven’t contact your local state board of elections. You can go to www.usa.gov/register-to-vote where you’ll find:

Deadlines

Info allowing you to check the status or find changes to your voter registration

If you or your love one are unable to make it physically into your local polling place consider signing up for an absentee ballot. Visit www.usa.gov/absentee-voting:

Get the form for your state by either finding your state or local election office’s website and looking for “Absentee Voting” or “Vote by Mail” or entering those terms in the search box. You can also visit this directory to find your local election site and you can also apply online!

Note that each state has different requirements and may require you to have a reasonable excuse for voting as an “absentee” according to usa.gov/absentee-voting these may include:

Having an illness, injury, or disability that prevents you from getting to your local polling place

Being on business travel or vacation outside of your county or city of residence on Election Day

Being a student at an out-of-state college or university

Mark the absentee ballot application deadline it in your calendar and note the date you expect to receive the ballot after sending the application.

Most importantly, fill it out as soon as you receive it and drop it in your mail box. Be sure to note the date that it needs to reach the board of elections to ensure that your vote gets counted!

I want to be sure that you are informed and aware of your options. With everything going on today, we must be our own advocates and let those we elect represent our concerns. Feel free to let me know if you were able to get an absentee ballot. Until next time.. Be Well, Denise

So My Mom Got a Letter About a Data Breach – Top 3 Things I learned That You Should Do Next

So my Mom got a letter in the mail apologizing to her regarding a recent data breach from her long term care plan. No - this wasn’t related to the latest Equifax data breach but apparently her medical information and personal data were compromised. Ok great- here we go again! We’ve all been the victims of breaches or compromises in the past – major retailers like Target and Home Depot have hit several million people including myself, some health insurers such as Anthem and even our US government have been hacked leaving much of our personal details openly exposed and leaving us vulnerable. Who would have thought that those large companies and institutions like Equifax that are geared toward tracking our credit histories and behaviors would be involved in a massive breach! Folks it seems like it doesn’t matter, if you are breathing, alive and have a pulse, you may have been affected by some type of data compromise. Someone is always watching and mining data. Yeah... I know that you are wondering -what can I do??? I can’t really say that there’s much you can do to prevent it because all of our data is readily out there and shared by many outlets. Just do a google search and any of these services can tell you who your relatives are for a small fee –anyone can get their hands on your info. If you subscribe to magazines, have a credit card, an email address or just live your daily life – you have data that somebody wants! We pray that someone will only use it for good once they have it but not everyone has the best of intentions. As a caregiver, it’s your job to serve and protect your loved one right? I know you’re saying awe c’mon Denise – not something else that I have to do. Well I’m sorry to say that yes you do, but I promise you that it’s simple and not that labor intensive. You can follow the few simple steps to protect your loved one. Chances are that you are managing their affairs anyway and hopefully they are under strict orders (like what I’ve given my Mom – most of the time she listens ..lol) not to authorize something unless you give the ok right? If not, that’s a conversation you need to have and we can chat about that a little later. It’s important that you stay on top of your loved one’s accounts because if something happens you’ll be handling it later. Here’s 3 things that you can do now to protect your loved one’s important info along with yours. Once you’re done follow the steps to protect yourself too!

Contact the 3 major credit bureaus:

Equifax, PO Box 74021, Atlanta, GA 30374, www.equifax.com 1-800-685-1111

Experian, PO Box 2104, Allen, TX 75013, www.experian.com, 1-888-397-3742

TransUnion, PO Box 2000, Chester, PA 19022, www.transunion.com, 1-800-888-4213

Fraud Alert: You can place a fraud alert by calling one of the above credit bureaus. It tells creditors to contact you before they can change or open any new accounts. While it protects you, be mindful that it can delay any applications that you actually initiate when you seek new credit. However, I’d consider that to be a minor inconvenience when it comes to having protected measures on your account. Note that a fraud alert is only good for 90 days and is renewable. You may place an extended fraud alert which lasts for 7 years, however it requires a police report and an identity theft report. With the extended report, companies must remove your name from marketing lists for prescreened credit offers for 5 years unless you ask them to put your name back on the list.

Security Freeze: You can place a security freeze which prevents credit, loans and services from being approved in your name without your consent. There are 3 ways that you can do this: online, automated phone line, or via a written request to any of the above credit bureaus. There is a fee but it may be waived if you are the victim of identity theft and have submitted a complaint to a law enforcement agency or reported it to the credit reporting agencies. Be sure to have the following info on hand:

Full name with middle initial and any suffixes

Social Security number

Date of birth

Current address and any address for the previous 5 years

Any incident report or complaint with a law enforcement agency or DMV

Copy of a government issued identification

Recent utility bill or bank or insurance statement

Check your reports for free at www.annualcreditreport.com: You can check your reports for free at each of the three credit bureaus once a year through this site or you can call 1-877-322-8228. I recommend staggering them throughout the year – every 4 months request a free report from a different bureau. Request one today and mark off the date and in 4 months request one from the next credit bureau. At the same time each year expect to request a new report. This will help you to be on the alert for incidents of fraud and identity theft. Remember to review your account statements and monitor your credit report for unauthorized activity.

Be aware of any potential scams: Expect an influx of calls, emails, and keep an eye on your sensitive data sent through the mail.

Be aware of the web: For emails – don’t open any attachments or click on any links and be very wary of emails from anyone that you don’t know. If an email arrives from XYZ bank, take the extra step and access your account outside of that email in a separate browser tab. Don’t fall for the ransom emails or those claiming that they need help asking you to send money and your banking details to access it. These emails are often plagued with poor grammar and spelling.

Be aware of scam phone calls: Unfortunately the Do Not Call Registry does not help. It was intended to stop unwanted calls but somehow they still make their way through thanks to robo callers (computer generated automatic calls) and companies that intend to get you to sign up for services or want you to believe that they are legitimate by asking for you by your first and/or last name – no we are not old familiar friends. Now scammers are texting and calling – don’t respond or call/text back unfamiliar numbers as you may be opening the door to getting hacked and giving access to your information.

Shred all documents – Any credit card offers, receipts, medical EOBs (explanation of benefits), bills – anything that you no longer need that has your name, address, or any other sensitive information on it must be shredded. Don't risk tearing it up and just throwing it in the trash.

Unfortunately, this is just a sign of the times that we live in. There are individuals out there that have goals to rob and steal rather than get things the old fashioned way for themselves through hard work and integrity. I want to encourage you not to worry. Be vigilant and proactive – follow the tips above and you can at least try to stay a step ahead by protecting your identity as you keep a closer watch on the accounts of those who you are caring for and yourself. Remember you are on the frontlines and are the best advocate! Until next time- Be Well, Denise

Being Kept in the Light – What Lawmakers Are Doing for You by Passing the Caregiver Act

You may or may not be caring for an elderly parent. Your spouse or perhaps your child may be sick and in need of a hospital stay. These are all situations that we hope don't happen but unfortunately they can. When and if they do happen you may not be thinking of next steps or what to do next when they finally get to come home after hopefully a short hospital stay. Recently a coworker was rushed to the hospital from work. Can you imagine coming into work feeling fine and then later on symptoms pop up out of nowhere? Next thing you know you are being whisked off to the hospital and then needing emergency surgery? You wouldn’t think that this is how your day would end right? But imagine being on the other end of that phone call from a strange number – a coworker or hospital personnel calling to notify you that your loved one is ill and you need to come right away. I’ve been on the other end of those calls for both my Mom and my Dad. I can tell you that it’s not fun but as an only child it’s what I had to do. I was honored to be there in that way for my parents. Luckily I’ve been able to set things up to be their healthcare proxy. Did you know that as an adult child you’d have to be designated as a proxy or listed as a contact by your parent so the hospital can share information with you? HIPPA privacy laws were established to protect the privacy of patient health records. However, this may prevent the doctors or facilities from disclosing that information to you. Each day, millions of Americans are caring for parents, spouses, children and adults with disabilities and other loved ones and they don't have to be informed about patients care needs. Do you know your rights? An important bill called The Caregiver Advise, Record, Enable (CARE) Act (aka Raise Family Caregivers Act) went into effect January 1, 2017. So what does this mean? Well in my experience I’ve always been the point of contact for my parents and I’ve always been involved in their care. While this has not been my experience, some hospitals send unsuspecting patients home without help or without instructions on what they need to do next after their stay. Did you know that your parents or loved ones are not required to designate caregivers, and caregivers are not obligated to perform after-care tasks for them? However, we all know that if they need assistance you’ll be right there to help them out. While some patients may be self-sufficient and capable, others are not and need the help. Even if they don’t need tons of assistance, someone else should be aware of things just in case. This bill just reinforces the fact that the facility or hospital will need to disclose important information to you if the patient authorizes. Simply Put - The 3 main provisions of this act:

When a patient enters the hospital, the name of a family member or other designated person must be recorded and included in the patient’s discharge plan.

The hospital must notify the caregiver when they are ready to be discharged.

They hospital must inform you of what needs to be done and show you what to do once the patient returns home – i.e. wound care, medication management, injections, and transfers.

More than 30 states, including my home state of NY, have adopted this bill. It seems like a relatively simple provision, but how many people were not informed and had no clue of what to do when their loved one got home. Knowing your rights and what you can do can help limit readmission to the hospital. As you become more knowledgeable you develop into the best advocate for your loved one.

November is National Family Caregiver’s Month- A Time for Recognition

November is National Family Caregiver’s Month. The goal is to bring awareness to caregiving and highlight the role that many play daily. The theme for 2017 is Caregiving Around the Clock and is spearheaded by The Caregiver Action Network . We often associate November with Thanksgiving and I think it’s a great month to give thanks to all who do so much to help those close to us in need of assistance whether it’s helping a senior recuperating from an illness or managing through the daily effects of the aging process or caring for a special needs child and even for the everyday deeds of family management. So let me be the first to tell you thank you this month if you are a caregiver for all that you do It is often a 24/7 job that has a lot of responsibilities at any given moment. Let’s take a peek inside of a typical caregiver’s day: You may be making sure your family and your loved one has what they need before going off to work. That would entail making sure that they have what they need to last them throughout the day such as food and medications. During the day, you may find yourself scheduling doctor’s appointments for making follow up calls or checking in on your loved one during your lunch break. In the evening you may be returning home from work and are now challenged with getting dinners on the table and being torn with spending quality time with family. You must remember to eat too even though you are caring for others – that’s how you can maintain a level of endurance to go on! When night falls, it’s important to get some rest – I’m often challenged by this as this is the one time that it’s quite and the house is still so it’s tempting to stay up late to catch a little bit of respite time. However, it’s important that you get sleep and that’s how your body will recuperate and recharge. Occasionally, you may be met with a night time interruption, hopefully it isn’t a regular occurrence but be prepared just in case you have to go with essentials in a bag such as a list of medications and a medical history in case you have to run to the ER so you can best serve emergency medical staff. Doesn’t this seem like a jam packed day? Over 90 million Americans provide some sort of unpaid support for those with chronic illnesses or conditions dealing with the elderly, special needs children and wounded soldiers on top of managing the household of their able bodied families. So what can you do as a caregiver or a family member? As a caregiver you can:

Try to plan as much as you can in advance to prep for your upcoming week.

Utilize technology such as your smart phone to keep on top of appointments and set reminders. – Don’t fully rely on your memory to keep track of your family’s events or your loved one’s appointments. – Give yourself some grace.

Make sure you get some respite time – which can be a 5-10 minute break or getting to bed early enough so that you can get much needed rest to have energy for the next day’s activities.

As a family member or friend you can:

Offer a helping hand – prepare a meal, or take a loved one to that doctor appointment so the primary caregiver can have a break.

Check in – whether you live near or far a friendly call asking how the caregiver is doing can do wonders. Of course check to see how your loved one is doing but don’t forget to ask the caregiver is doing and engage in conversation with them that is not centered on their caregiving duties.

Offer some relief – agree to sit with their loved one while they go out and run some errands or have some “me” time.

As you can see, everyone has a role in the family. By incorporating these few small gestures, it acknowledges the hard work that a caregiver puts in, which is often round the clock, and lets them feel appreciated. Stay tuned -For this month stay tuned, I’ll be sharing a lot more articles including tips and resources to bring further awareness and assist those on a caregiving journey.

Free AARP Online Family Caregiving Fair 2017

wocintech stock -8 by #WOCinTech Chat is licensed under CC BY 2.0 This is the ultimate resource for caregivers! The AARP Online Family Caregiving Fair is an online event where you'll get the opportunity to chat one-on-one with live with reps from different government agencies, non-profits and none other than the guru in caregiver resources -AARP. There will be all sorts of resources, videos and live events. And to top it off, you'll get to participate in live events including a webinar with Holly Robinson Peete!!! Ok ok I know that you are wondering how do I sign up? How much does it cost? When is it??? So here are the details: Date: Thursday, November 16, 2017 Time: 6PM - 9PM EST Cost: Free Where: Online - Click here to sign up! Be sure to attend to get the tips and resources you'll need first hand if you are caring for a loved one. I know you are probably saying what happens if I can't make the time because it happens during the middle of the day. No worries! This is the beauty of technology. Don't fret register anyway!! Why? You will get ongoing on-line access to the 2017 Caregiver Fair including resources and you will be able to view the recorded webinars on-demand. Now isn't that convenient?!! Don't delay register today!

Do you have a question that you'd like me to answer on a future live stream broadcast? Share your question with me HERE.

‘Tis the Season to Be Thankful!

We are embarking on a national holiday here in the US. For some of us we’ll be looking forward to some days off and some heavy eating of some rich food and drink and being merry – well merry times will be coming in about a month or so but let’s just say we’ll share in some joy and laughter. However, I’d like to remind you that not all of us will be sharing in joyful moments. For some of us, we may be grieving and mourning the loss of a loved one and this may be the first holiday without the matriarch or patriarch of the family gracing the table with us this year. For others, we may be sitting in the hospital at the bedside of our loved one. One year that was me -my Mom was in the hospital on Thanksgiving day. I cooked all day and brought her favorite macaroni and cheese dish along with the traditional Thanksgiving fixings so she would not miss out. I was home cooking solo while my Dad, who also had limited mobility, was there missing his beloved wife. I still enjoyed because I was being of service to them, helping them to have the benefits of a good home cooked meal even though we couldn’t all be together at one time. And still yet, we may be at home trying to cook a meal and trying to keep up with the needs of the ones we are caring for and just wishing for a break. So on this upcoming holiday season, I ask you to think of someone who has been taking care of everyone else and just check in. There are things that you can do that would be very thoughtful and could make a world of a difference to someone at this time of the year. If you are wondering what you can do, I encourage you to think from a place of service and support. We must take care of those who are taking care of those who are looking out for our elderly relatives at home. What can you do to show thanks? Here are some suggestions:

Offer to cook a meal and bring it over.

Volunteer to do a load of laundry.

Offer to relieve the caregiver so they can run an errand.

Drop off a few bags of groceries.

Take the kids on a fun outing.

Give the caregivers a break by babysitting the kids.

Send them some notes of encouragement.

Offer to clean up.

Pray for them.

Ask them what can I do for you?

These are just a few ways that you can show your support by serving those who give their days to serving others. Can you think of some additional ways that you can help give thanks to a caregiver? Please share your thoughts.

NY is the Latest State Joining Others Offering Paid Family Medical Leave

If you ever wondered how you would manage if you needed to take time off without pay look no further, New York has joined California, New Jersey and Rhode Island as one of a few states offering Paid Family Leave. Generally, if you have been at your company for at least a year, employees can get 12 work weeks of job protected unpaid leave with medical coverage under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). This coverage will allow workers take time off to care for a newborn, a sick family member, take time off for their own serious illness, or any issues arising from a family member on active military duty. But that’s right, it’s unpaid medical leave. I don’t know about you, but how many people can take off for an extended period of time without pay? That’s right -not many. So what does that mean for New Yorkers who are caregivers? As of January 1^st of 2018, as part of the New York State Paid Family Leave Program, New Yorkers can get up to 8 weeks and receive up to 50% of their salary for private sector works to do the following:

Care for a relative – a spouse, domestic partner, child, parent, parent-in-law, grandparent or grandchild who has a serious health condition

Maternity and paternity leave -whether you are a parent expecting, fostering or adopting a child

Relieve those who are on active military duty -a spouse, domestic partner, child or parent or has been notified of an impending call or order of active duty

The program will gradually phase increases up to 67% of pay for up to 12 weeks over the next 4 years through the year 2021. Eligible workers include full or part-time employees who work 20 or more hours after 26 weeks of employment. So after 6 months you can be eligible! For those working less than 20 hours a week can be eligible after 175 days. To learn more click here. It’s important to note that Paid Family Medical Leave does not cover prenatal conditions and is only for those caring for a child after the birth during maternity leave. It also cannot be used for one’s own disability or qualifying military event. Rhode Island, New Jersey and California currently offer Paid Family Leave. To learn more click here. Washington State and Washington, DC is slated to offer Paid Family Leave effective as of the year 2020. According to Catherine Valenti’s ABC News article, “Paid leave bills have also been introduced in at least 24 states and the District of Columbia this year, with Connecticut, Hawaii and Montana passing paid leave bills into law, according to the National Partnership for Women & Families, a New York-based nonprofit organization that promotes policies to help women and men meet the demands of work and family.” If your state is not listed here, keep watch. As more states adopt this legislation and witness its success, more will follow suit.

Holiday Senior Gift Guide

Please notify your doctor if……..

Have you ever seen those commercials for the different prescription drugs? This drug is good for this and that drug is good for that. They suggest that if you are experiencing X symptoms then this is the right drug for you and then prompt you to ask your doctor to write a prescription for you. You go to your appointment asking for these drugs by its brand name. The commercials also list a number of side effects that you should be aware of because they may happen. Some include nausea, headaches, pain, etc.. I’ll spare you of some of the more gruesome side effects. But do you ever really pay attention to the long list that they share? Do you ever read the fine print? A relative of mine had been experiencing some pain and had trouble walking. So she scheduled an appointment and went in for a “routine” shot in her hip to deal with what was causing the inflammation. However, just after receiving that shot she started feeling some side effects like tingling and numbness on her side and had to go to the hospital shortly after leaving the doctor’s office. She ended up having an extended hospital stay for a mild stroke which left her speech slurred and with limited use of the left side of her body! Wow- right? Who would have thought that could’ve happened right?? They give out these shots every day!! Now she needed physical therapy and help with daily activities. She’s recovering, but it’s certainly going to take a lot of time to be fully restored. It’s likely and very possible that the stroke was caused by the medication that she was given. Perhaps it was an interaction with something else she was already taking. Even though we don’t know for sure there’s a few things we can be aware of for ourselves and our loved ones the next time a medication is recommended. 1. Inquire about possible interactions: • Ask the doctor why they are recommending taking this drug. 2. Know what your current medications are and the possible side effects: • When your prescription is filled it often comes with a list; Read it and be and be aware. • If anything strange pops up then you will know that something isn't right! 3. If you feel funny don’t just chalk it up to being sick: • You know your body! If you feel any kind of side effect - notify your physician immediately! These are 3 key things to be aware of when a prescription is recommended. Be informed. Ask questions! Don’t be afraid to be an advocate for your loved ones and yourself!

Do you have a question that you’d like me to answer on a future live stream broadcast? Share your question with me HERE.

What You Don’t Know About Caregiving

Most people don't think that they are a caregiver or that this topic relates to them. However everyone is a caregiver. In the following video, I discuss this in more detail. If you have parents, kids, family members, friends or a spouse - guess what? You are a caregiver! Anyone who helps out someone that they care about is a caregiver and it's not just limited to someone taking care of the elderly. I recently did a Facebook Live Series called "Conversations with a Caregiver" focused on "Getting Ready To Care. In Day 1 of the series I went over what a caregiver is and how you can get better prepared for the present and the future so you can be of service to your loved ones. I've found that many have different ideas of how this topic relates to them. I learned a lot in this role as a caregiver over the years and have come to the realization that the earlier you start thinking about planning for the future and start having the conversation with your family the better it is for everyone. Check out the video to learn more. Now that you've had a chance to learn about what a caregiver is, do you think you are ready to start the conversation with you family about their future life plans? I would encourage you to just begin the conversation with your family. Don't wait until something happens to start this talk. To help you get started, I've created The Caregiver's Prep Guide. The prep guide includes a self assessment to walk you through the questions to ask yourself to get prepared and evaluate what you are already doing and what may be necessary in the future. To find out more visit https://bewellbeswell.com/caregiversprep to get your guide

Who’s Watching Your wallet? Top 5 Things to Look For When Choosing a Tax Pro

It’s tax season y’all and many of you have either filed your taxes or are getting ready to file them or maybe some of you are now challenged with helping your Mom or Dad file their taxes. Whether you visit your local tax preparer, use turbo tax to do it yourself (which has been my method for some time) –there comes a time when you need some expert coaching and someone knowledgeable on the ever changing tax laws. This current economic and political climate can vastly affect everyone’s financial condition positively or even negatively. Perhaps you now have additions to your family –a child or an aging parent who can no longer handle their own affairs. Your Mom is a widow and she used to file joint with your Dad –so what do you do? This may be the time to build up your team with an arsenal of professionals that will keep you abreast of the things you need to know –changes in filing status and how to maximize your deductions when life changes due to an event. One of the key members of that team is a CPA or Certified Accountant. A CPA has taken extensive training to advise and consult on tax and accounting matters. They have passed the CPA exam and met state and other certification requirements. Sounds fancy right? Yep – so who would you want watching your wallet? What key things do you need to know?

Does the CPA meet your needs?

What are their specialties?

Do you need one for your business or personal needs?

Are they skilled in estate planning?

Can they assist with financial planning?

Do you just want to prepare your return?

Do you want financial guidance on buying a house?

Would you like someone to guide you on retirement savings?

Do they make things easy for you to understand?

Can they advise you on complicated situations?

Are they knowledgeable in and can they easily explain topics in simpler terms?

Can they explain what will happen if you need to sell Mom’s house? Will this trigger a tax event?

Does their level of experience suit your needs?

Can they move through the cycles of life with you? Adulthood - Marriage – Children – Eldercare Issues

Can they do more than just prepare taxes? There’s nothing wrong with a tax preparer but you want someone certified and knowledgeable to provide advisement on taxes and all of the above!

Do you need help on tax implications associated with planning your estate?

Find out how they run their practice

Is it virtual or in-person?

How responsive are they?

Do they ask you a lot of questions?

How knowledgeable do they seem?

Do they care about your goals, spending habits and future plans?

What are their fees? Is it hourly or by the job?

How do you go about finding a CPA?

Ask for recommendations from family, friends or business associates. Interview them – schedule a consultation and find out about their education and experience just as you would if you were researching a doctor for your Dad’s medical condition. Consider going to someone who’s seasoned –not necessarily someone who may be just starting out. For example, if you are caring for an elder –someone who has experience in estate or eldercare issues would probably be a good fit. Be aware of what you need – go armed with a list of questions, necessary documents and observe how they interact with you. Do your research and check out their background. You can verify their active license data on https://cpaverify.org/ which pulls information from the National Association of State Boards of Accountancy (NASBA). So there you have it – Top tips for adding a trusted CPA as an essential member of your team. By the way, getting a tax professional is not just about filing taxes, but setting yourself and your family to weather the shifts through life. It’s all a part of getting ready so you can stay ready! Happy CPA hunting! This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my affiliate policy.

Life Lesson #480 – Eventually you have to do it…

So you know that thing...you know that thing...you know..c'mon you know what I'm talking about!!! That conversation that we all need to have ...the "talk". Yes that talk with your parents! The one that starts with hey Mom, umm do you know what you’re going to do when you retire? Are you ready? It's that conversation that our parents have been thinking about for years..but guess what they haven't had it with you!! Yeah that's right..they've spent late nights up..maybe worrying about if they are going to have enough for retirement. Or maybe they're ok..but you've noticed that they may have a "touch of sugar" as the old folks used to say. Maybe they're taking blood pressure meds and you didn't even know it. Wait ..wait what..they maybe sneaking in some medication and I don't know about it!! Yes..uh huh..yeah I said it..they did and didn't tell you because they didn't want you to worry. AAAnd..to tell the truth you really didn't want to know. Because on some unconscious level you don't want to think about what would or could happen to your parents. This would upset the balance of life as you know it. It's not something I need to worry about yet. They're still working..they haven't retired yet...we have much more time for that. Truth be told...now I'm going to give it to you straight….you don't really have much time for it. Honest truth..ok do you really want to know the honest truth..The TIME IS NOW! I don't mean to alarm you but... if you are knocking on 30 or are well over 30, the time really is RIGHT NOW! When they aren't having any issues.. If they are having minor issues...if they are having major issues!! So what does that look like? Ok.no issues...how about my parents are avid travelers they go on vacations..they text me and face time on occasion..they are working and we go over for holidays..everything is gravy! MINOR ISSUES...they take 1 or 2 Rx meds..get themselves to their doctor's appointments and for the most part following doctors orders.. MAJOR ISSUES ..they've had an event-hospital stay, challenging diagnosis, and having trouble navigating things at home. Things can easily move from one stage to another quickly.. From No ISSUES to MAJOR issues in a blink of an eye. Would you be ready for that? Do you know what documents you should have or where and if they have them? Do you know who their doctors are? Ok I'm going to stop here..I don't want to overwhelm you..I can feel the stare of death upon me coming through the screen..as thoughts if how dare you make me have all of these feelings..right now!! I'm sorry - not really..but I know this can be all too much. You're thinking whoa..this has all gone way left..I'm not ready to deal with all this. In fact I don't even know where to start. I'm sorry to have been so real..but what kind of friend would I be if I didn't give you the Truth! So here's what I've done..I've captured what your next steps are and put together a guide to get you started. Introduce you to the main things like what documents should I have in place..what should I be asking myself and asking my parents right now. Check out it the Caregiver's Prep Guide. I know it can be a tough subject but think about, but just think how good you would feel if you already started to get some things together. Your parents would feel confident in knowing you have their back and you wouldn't have extra things to worry about later on. Remember this is a journey and you don't have to do it all now but you do have to do something. Check out the guide. Come back and let me know how it's going.

Kitchen Hack: Alternative Fast Food – How You Can Cook 15 Minute Meals at Home

[caption id="attachment_3584" align="alignleft" width="439"] Cornish Hens[/caption] If you’re like me, you need a good home cooked meal. When you’re on the go with work, activities and maybe taking care of the family or checking in on an elder, we tend to skip some meals or healthier options for the sake of time. I’m all for healthy meals but when time is tight you tend to grab whatever is near and say to yourself… “at least I’ve eaten.” I’m a big supporter of eating real food and most times I skip the fast food options. But don’t get me wrong I’ll partake in having a burger from my local shake shack on occasion..lol.. It tastes good and they get their food from a sustainable source and gosh I just love a good burger and toss in an occasional french fry too! But I digress… [caption id="attachment_3586" align="alignright" width="169"] Fried Chicken[/caption] You can have these things at home too. I tried out an air fryer and it’s making it easier for me to have faster food at home. Prep is key and having options is also key. I love my slow cooker –as this has saved me many a day or night with a meal being ready when I get home or when I get up. I decided to try another thing. I’d been hearing about this air fryer and then my coworker planted the seed. I saw some videos and then I just had to get one. Isn’t it funny when you learn about a thing it now shows up everywhere! It was on commercials and shows… this store was having a sale and the infomercial came on several times. I guess I never noticed it before and now it was part of my consciousness. Quick Science Break: The hubster, who is really into science and technology, explained to me that this air fryer is really a convection oven –sort of like a compact tabletop oven that cooks quickly because it’s smaller. Now Back to the regular scheduled [caption id="attachment_3583" align="alignleft" width="125"] Roasted Sweet Corn[/caption] non-technical post already in progress.. If it was something that was going to make my life easier and help me to cook those mid-week meals faster or that Saturday-I-don’t-really-want-to-cook-a-meal-today because I’m so busy with errands shopping, etc kind of meal, it was something I needed to look into. So I’ve been testing this out and I think it’s a winner! Some of the things I’ve made in the air fryer include lamb chops, fried chicken, roasted sweet corn and Cornish hens. Also, I've made french fries, sweet potato fries, and fish fillets (not pictured.) [caption id="attachment_3585" align="alignright" width="146"] Lamb Chops[/caption] The verdict is in! This air fryer will get a permanent spot on the counter. Good bye Showtime Rotisserie… yes, I have one of those too! ( I’m sure you’ve seen those chickens spinning around in Costco and thought.. I can make that! Truth is, I use it every so often and I think it’s time to take it off the counter and just pull it out on occasion.) So no more excuses. You don’t have to skip a home cooked meal because you’ve been tending to a sick elder in the hospital. Eat out occasionally and eat in more. The air fryer concept gets my vote! What’s your favorite kitchen gadget? Please share below. I’m always willing to try something that can make my life easier! This post contains affiliate links. Click here to read my affiliate policy.

I Didn’t Realize That My Role Had Reversed

Sometimes roles reverse and you didn't even notice. It's the little things you do that make a difference in someone's life. One thing I started to notice as I was going along is that I was a caregiver and didn't even know it in the beginning. It really started long before I knew about the concept of "caregiving".

Actually, during winter break of my senior year of college, my Dad got sick and went into kidney failure but he was strong and once he came home from the hospital he got back into a routine. I went back to to finish out my last semester. Thank goodness because it was time to take over the world with my new degree! Once I came back home it was a new normal. My Dad would go to work and go to his treatments and that's how it was. Little did I know that my role would become more important as time went on. He noticed that his work schedule became more grueling along with the treatments and decided to retire. However, he'd still did what he normally did on his own.

I noticed that while he wasn't sick sick or appeared to be sick, he moved slower and needed more assistance. He still drove but navigating in and out of the car was becoming more of a challenge and I would accompany him on doctor's appointments when he normally would go on his own. After some time, I noticed that some of the bills were getting paid late and that was because it was beginning to get more cumbersome for him to do it. But if you asked him if everything was ok, he'd say yeah I'm ok. Pride held him back from asking for help. He had to go to the hospital for something so I helped out while he had a stay. It was then I found out that things were not in the best order and I helped set things back on track. After awhile, I just did it. This is what I mean by it just creeps up on you. You just end up doing it and it becomes an activity that you do regularly. My question to you is, have you started doing any of these things?

Helping to clean your parents home?

Helping them fill out paperwork?

Taking them shopping or going shopping for them?

Do you help your parents prepare meals?

Have you noticed that their bills are paid on time?

Have you been assisting with their finances or taking care of stuff at home? Yes or No

Well...... I've been reflecting on a myriad of things that I've been doing since I was in school. It started as me assisting here and there and evolved into me just doing it because they couldn't do it. Rather than have you sit there and try to come up with all the things that you are doing or have done, I've compiled a few comprehensive lists that will help you review what you've been currently doing and what you may need to look out for that may become a need in the future. The 2 key assessments I would recommend to take a look at first are the Self Evaluation and the Elder Assessment which can be found in the Caregiver's Prep Guide. I wish I had something like this when I was first starting out. It would have helped me be better prepared to help and to know more about what my parents would need in the future from me and in general to make things easier for them in their daily lives.

I've learned that sometimes we have experiences so we can help others. If you could be prepared before you needed it would you take those steps? Some things I couldn't prepare for but now that I know what caring for someone else is like, I can share with you my insight. Just like there's no handbook for being a parent or embarking on this journey of caring for others but this guide can get you started.

Developing Resilience

[caption id="attachment_3639" align="alignleft" width="322"] “I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.” – George S. Patton[/caption] Have you ever felt that your life is not your own? Are you constantly doing or being called to do something for someone else? Sometimes I feel like I want to change my name and assume an anonymous alias. Do you sometimes feel like you can’t catch a break and are always in the middle of some challenge just waiting for it to plateau… however, when you turn around there is something else you have to contend with? If these questions seem to fit you and you can answer any of them with a resounding “Yes!”…you must be a caregiver on the verge of burn out. Lately I’ve been feeling overwhelmed myself. Sometimes I feel tired of having this responsibility and I just want to put all of this aside. I try to maintain a positive attitude. However, when faced with a grouchy sick person who has otherwise been for the most part reasonable to get along with, turn around and flip the script and act with the most unpleasant behavior and attitude toward you and others………… you start to question a few things. Why am I doing this? Why do I have to put up with this? Why is God allowing this to happen? How can I continue to deal with this and move forward with the things that I want for my life? Will I be able to pursue what I want? I recall a time that I was caught in one of these moments in years past. My father decided to be angry with everyone – himself, me, my mother, and the aide. His behavior was inexcusable. There’s nothing like trying to remain pleasant with someone who is being stubborn and refuses to listen to reason. As for me, I tried to reason with the irrational. At that point, an otherwise reasonable man was facing a pivotal point in his life – the thought or realization that he may never walk again on his own and will probably always need someone’s help. At that moment, my Dad’s ability to be rational was severely compromised because his independence is slowly, “yet rapidly”, in his mind escaping him. My thought is why be mad at the world? Why be mad at me? I have endured so much with you…advocating on his behalf by talking to doctors, nurses, and all kinds of medical staff – so much so that I can say that I’ve been through a mini medical school boot camp. What did I do to you to be on the receiving end of this dialogue of dissatisfaction? I didn’t make you sick or cause certain things to go “wrong” with you. I must stop here…..because I realized that it’s not about me. It’s not even about what he said or what was going on and how he even got there. I began to absorb his negative energy and started wondering what’s in it for me and how could I still pursue my goals. One of the ways to develop a level of resiliency is to have something else to focus on. Have you buried a dream because you don’t have the time to pursue it? One of my passions is writing and one of the reasons for sharing this story. Experts say write about what you know. This post helps me to express myself through one of my passions! I want you to remember that, whether or not you are a caregiver, having balance in your life is key and it is especially important to carve out some time for yourself. Do you have any desires and passions that lay dormant? These things can serve as an outlet and give you something else to focus on besides that person’s ailment and all the responsibility that comes along with being a caregiver. Pursue them! You are feeding your spirit which will give you more energy to fulfill your dreams and desires along with your caregiving responsibilities. I recommend that you don’t forget about yourself during this time and process. Joel Osteen said, “One way to tell if a dream is really from God is that the desire won’t go away. You may have had it for years, but you still can’t let it go. In fact, you may have tried to let it go, but it won’t let go of you.” I encourage you to reach out and search your heart for those dreams and desires that reside within you. These desires are there for a purpose and it is a disservice to yourself and others if you don’t pursue them. This is how you bounce back. This is how you become resilient. This is how you can gain energy to keep going. What have you done that helps you to bounce back? Are there dreams and desires that you’ve let go? Please share your thoughts.

Multitasking is a Myth – Why I Decided to Just Give Up Juggling It All

As a caregiver for your family or loved ones, we are always trying to do something for everyone. New requests get added on to your plate daily. We try to do it all -work obligations, tend to family needs, participate in community and church activities, and field requests from neighbors and friends. You get asked, “How come I haven’t heard from you?” –Maybe it’s because I’m just tired!! I wear so many hats and have so much to do constantly that I’m often working in some capacity up until bedtime. I’m discovering a new thing- the power of saying no to requests that are not in alignment to what’s really important and needs my attention right now. Doing this will allow me to slow down, prioritize and identify how I can be less stressed. But.. how did I get there? Good question! Let’s start with what is multitasking and why do we multitask? What is multitasking? To multitask is usually when one person attempts to perform two or more tasks simultaneously. I say “attempt” because we usually don’t or can’t successfully do more than one thing at time. What we actually do is task switching where we continually start multiple things giving the impression that we are doing them at the same time. Also, today society, the workplace, and other external pressures place importance on getting more things done faster so we are more prone to try to do more to keep up with everyone else. Why do we try to multitask? It all breaks down to expectations.

Family expectations: I must do this because everyone else in the family has done it too.

Societal Expectations: We want to be like everyone else.

We don’t want to be perceived as lazy, so we take on things that we sometimes just can’t handle.

We want to feel accomplished so we try to do it all.

How do we end up feeling when trying to multitask?

Overwhelmed.

Unaccomplished.

Tired & exhausted.

Unsettled.

What would happen if we just stopped trying to multitask?

We may have more peace of mind.

We may actually complete things instead of leaving multiple unfinished projects and tasks.

We’ll feel happier.

What steps do we need to take right now?

Make a list and check it twice. We’ve got to find out whether you’ve been naughty or nice! ( Just kidding – I wanted to see if you were paying attention!!!)

Do a brain dump. – Sit down for 10 – 15 minutes and just write all of your thoughts and tasks and what you need to do or have finished.

Pick out the most pressing items that need to be done and highlight them.

Pick 1 item and get started!

Say no to too many commitments. – Over committing yourself can be exhausting – it’s ok to say no.

Ask yourself - Is this the best use of my time, energy, and resources? – If you can answer yes to all 3 then proceed. If not revisit for a later time or not at all.

Go back to your brain dump list and pick out things that you really want to do and carve out some time to do them throughout the week. Pick no more than 3 and then just relax. Smaller bites will equal more things getting done under less stress and in a timelier fashion.

So this is what I’m committed to doing – saying no, doing brain dumps, and picking 1-3 things to do over the course of a week. Try it! Let me know if you find it helps you at all.

Memories on Memorial Day

Now that we are embarking on another Memorial Day Holiday, I must say that there are some bittersweet reflections as we take a day of remembrance to pay homage to those fallen heroes who died during active military service. I want to say thank you to those who have served and to those families who may have endured a loss as their loved one gave their life so that we can live with the liberties we have today in the US. I have been in reflection mode lately. I’ve been thinking of the fond memories of my Dad and some stories come to mind that make me smile. It’s that time of year for BBQs as Memorial Day is often seen as the unofficial start to the summer season. It’s time to break out the white outfits and partake in a flame grilled burger. My Dad would always get excited because it was the season for corn on the cob. That sweet corn roasted on the grill or even just simply boiled on the stove top and drizzled with a touch of butter. Hmmm yum! I can just taste it now. Corn on the cob was one of his favs! While many are reminiscing of BBQs past and BBQs to come, I ask you to remember those who may be grieving a loss. There’s someone who might be missing from the dinner table or from that family BBQ this year. Whether they were a veteran who gave their life to service or a parent or family member who won’t be able to join you because they’ve transitioned, think about that friend or family member who might be missing their loved one and reach out. They may be missing someone and in need of a check in. Let’s seek to reflect on the memories or make some new memories. I wish I had taken some video footage of my Dad while he was still here. He was quite the jokester and personality. What I wouldn’t give right now to hear his voice or see him laugh again. So on this Memorial Day, I say thank you to the veterans who sacrificed their lives to help us keep certain liberties. I also say thank you to all the caregivers who also give a daily service of sacrifice to their family members so they can also maintain certain liberties. I salute you! May God Bless!

Want Your Home to Thrive? Focus On Standard Operating Procedures!

How can we simplify our lives and make things easier especially when we are taking care of others? Do you ever wonder how can you do that? Often we spend a lot of time taking care of the household and everyone else in it. What would happen if you had to go away or spend time recovering from an illness and you could no longer do what you’re accustomed to doing at home? Would someone else be able to step in? Does anyone else besides you know how your house runs? Have you ever delegated some of those responsibilities to anyone else or hired help so that you wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed? If the answer is no to any of the above questions, you may want to take notes on what I’m about to introduce to you! Every major corporation has what they call standard operating procedures aka SOP. This is a handbook, a manual or a playbook that tells everyone what they do and how they do it to continue to run smoothly. The CEO runs this company and everyone operates under these guidelines. Guess what if you are a caregiver or the head of your household –you are the CEO and I’m pretty sure that you have a certain way of doing things. You have systems for the way things are run. All of the major and minor responsibilities from preparing meals to finances probably are run by you. This can get more complicated depending on how many people are in your household and especially if any of them have any special needs. I know all too well how complicated this can get especially when both of my parents ended up in the hospital at the same time. There was so much to stay on top of and each of them had very different needs. In times of crisis it can be tough to keep up and even when things are going normally there can be ups and downs. This is where asking for help becomes crucial. If you couldn’t be present because of work or if a loved one needed medical attention, would you be prepared to tell someone what they could do to help? This is where having that SOP or Playbook would come in handy. Have you ever seen one of those wife swap tv shows where the wife agrees to live in another family’s house for a week and do things according to their rules? This is the same concept. She leaves a manual that outlines her daily duties and what is needed to run her house for the week. I know that you’re probably saying- “really Denise.. I don’t have any time to do this let alone keep up my own to do list!” I know….. I don’t mean to add something else to your to do list, but trust me you can’t afford not to do this and it’s really simple. You can start by just making a list of tasks and then breaking it down into 3 core things:

Procedures or tasks that need to be done

References or list what’s needed to get those tasks done and where you can find the tool or resource to do it

Checklist or worksheet to track what needs to be done or helps you complete the task

If you’re not sure where to start or don’t have any idea on what you could possibly need help with, you should check out the Caregiver’s Prep Guide. Now you don’t have to do this all at once. You can start with the most important area. Think of an area that you might need the most help. For example when things got to be too much for me, we decided to get a home health aide to come and assist with my parents daily activities. There was a certain routine that my parents were accustomed to. However, would someone new coming into our home know that Friday is laundry day or that my Mom eats certain things for breakfast and what her daily schedule is? Nope! I may tell them when they first start but it could take some time until they get used to the routine. Having a playbook could help, especially if I wasn’t around. This would allow someone to come in and take care of what my Mom needs while I’m at work or if I’m away. If you are not sure if you should delegate and get some help take a look at the Caregiver’s Prep Guide. Often we don’t want to let go, but your life can be so much easier if we allow someone to come in and help us. So there you have it, this is just a quick tip that I think can help make sure your home continues to run smoothly so you can have peace of mind and tend to other things.

Who’s Watching Your Wallet? Top 5 Things to Consider When Choosing a Financial Advisor

As we continue to simplify our lives in order to operate with ease while caring for others, we need to make sure that we have our house in order –our financial house that is! We may be running around to hospital and doctor visits which leave us spent and just plain exhausted. But can I ask you a question? If you are too busy because you’re handling everyone else’s stuff – who’s watching your pocket? This is a very good question. I want to emphasize that we do not want to neglect our finances and put everything else on the back burner because a life event for your loved one has popped up! There are certain times of the year that you may want to visit what’s going on in your finances. I recommend mid-year and/or a review annually on your birthday and to have one especially if a major life event pops up such as illness, loss of a loved one or even the addition of a new family member. Be prepared so you can know exactly what’s going on. You’ll be able to make adjustments as appropriate and when necessary. Also this is a way to make sure that you’re on track to have what you need when you need it! To do this you need to add another member to your team. Remember we talked about having a CPA on deck as part of your team. The next addition you need in your life is a financial advisor. Why you might ask? Well someone else whom you trust can make sure that while you are assisting your loved one and keeping your household running together you can be sure that you’ll have the financial resources you need to navigate the different stages of life. Attack those life goals, anticipate transitions and keep you moving into having enough for retirement and plan for the what ifs or just in case situations that may pop up. I really started to think about this more when my Dad became ill and as an only child, I started to think about who would be looking out for me should something happen. With the rising costs of everything thoughts about affording things in retirement or being able to handle an emergency that may come up. Unfortunately the unexpected does happen –I mean I never expected to be caring for both parents simultaneously – that was truly something I couldn’t have anticipated. However, I can get prepared to have what I need for myself and my family’s future. What to Look for In An Advisor You’ll want to find someone who has a fiduciary responsibility. That means that they have a legal duty to act in your best interest. You’ll want to interview at least 3 advisors and assess whether they have the qualifications to meet your needs. Some key areas that you may want to consider are: 1.Experience: Ideally you’ll want someone who has at least 10 years of experience since they’ll have likely experienced a full market cycle and witnessed and managed through fluctuations of the market. Ask the following:

How long have you been managing wealth?

What licenses do you hold?

Tell me about your credentials and about those on your team.

2. Fees: Ask the following:

How do you charge for your services? Is it a fee for service or a percent of assets under management? Do they sell specific products? (You may want to stay away – as they may be influenced to sell more of that product because they get kick backs.)

3. Strategy/Support: Seek an advisor who sees managing your assets as an important part of helping you to manage the changes you’ll experience as you go through life. Ask the following:

What’s your investment strategy?

How will we work together and how often will we meet?

Where will my assets be held? ( It’s best that they be managed through a reputable independent firm such as Fidelity, TD Ameritrade or Charles Schwab)

Do you offer other services such as insurance, tax and estate counseling?

4. Their Record: You may want to verify if your advisor really holds the credentials they claim to hold . Check the following websites including FINRA Broker Check, the SEC, the North American Securities Administrators Association or the CFP Boar . Ask the following:

Do you have any complaints on your record?

May I see 3 client references?

5. Picking an Advisor: Once you’ve narrowed down your 3 candidates, do an inner check. How do you feel sharing information with this person? Do you feel comfortable? Are they willing to listen? Can they explain terms, ideas, and strategies in ways that are easy to understand? The goal is to seek someone who has your best interests in mind and create a strategy that’s tailored to your specific needs while making it easy for you to understand. By keeping these things in mind, you can be sure that you’ll a have a good idea of who’s watching your wallet so you can have peace of mind and tend to things you need to do for your family.

Disclaimer: The purpose of this blog post is to serve as a point of reference and it is for informational purposes only regarding the topic of personal finance. I will attempt share lessons and information that I’ve learned along the way. While I have spent well over a decade in the financial services industry, this blog should not serve as your main source of financial advice. You should ALWAYS do your own research and consult your own financial professional when making decisions about your personal financial future.

How to Take a 1 Day Vacation

Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away to clear my head from the hustle and bustle of the city life. Commune with nature, recalibrate, and take in the sights and greenery just to take a break from the everyday. I took a drive about an hour outside of New York City out to the very east end of Long Island and visited a farm over the weekend to go strawberry picking. I can tell you that this is a far cry from New York City. [caption id="attachment_3729" align="alignright" width="169"] A lot of ground to cover![/caption] [caption id="attachment_3721" align="alignleft" width="169"] Just the beginning![/caption] As a city girl, I absolutely love doing stuff like this. –I know shocking isn’t it? But –can I tell you that the air was clean and fresh! One thing that I noticed was that my allergies weren’t bothering me all day –no sneezing, coughing, or stuffy head needing something so I could rest medicine! I felt at peace and my only thoughts were concentrating on finding the best strawberries and fill up my little basket. I usually go apple picking in the fall so at least once a year, I get out of the city limits just to get away for the day. I always see strawberries in the store but I never really knew what it took to get there. It was a cloudy day and threats of rain had me a bit concerned leading up to the weekend because I was going strawberry picking! I mean could you just see this city girl traipsing around in a muddy field trying to pick some strawberries.. oh no! LOL! But as I’ve learned on this caregiving journey, sometimes you just have to go with the flow and move through the experiences of life. My old track coach used to say, “ Roll with it!” It’s funny how these memories come flooding back to mind. It also happened that this was the last day to pick strawberries at the farm as they are only available during the month of June and I did not want to miss out on this experience. [caption id="attachment_3730" align="alignleft" width="169"] On the prowl![/caption] Luckily we were only sprinkled with a fine mist periodically during the day. I learned that they start planting now and it takes a whole year for the strawberries to get ready for the next harvest. Seed time and harvest time. So interesting that there’s a time for all things. It’s the law of nature – we should not rush the process no matter how much we’d like to. Doing things and consuming things during its appropriate season. So there’s a time to rest, a time to work and a time to play. Even you –yes you my dear deserve a break today! [caption id="attachment_3726" align="alignright" width="169"] My harvest![/caption] [caption id="attachment_3722" align="alignright" width="169"] Fresh out the oven![/caption] Now I had to think about what I was going to do with all of these strawberries I gathered. I definitely needed to do something with the fruits of my labor!! LOL! Pinterest to the rescue! I found a banana & strawberry bread recipe. I love banana bread and strawberries can only make it better! Voila! Hubby helped me make the bread and my Mom helped us eat it!! LOL! She made sure that I cut her a slice to go for her late evening snack. Bake bread and rejoice! Fresh food with pure natural ingredients = a happy healthy family. Who said that food can’t taste good and be real? Please remember – there’s always tomorrow, take time out to stress less and make memories. Sometimes you just have to roll with it! Even though you may be experiencing a challenge, take time to enjoy the sweetness that life has to offer. [caption id="attachment_3725" align="alignnone" width="300"] Ready to eat! Yum![/caption] Please share what you do to take a break.

What Independence Means to Some

Merriam-Webster defines independence as the quality or state of being independent ;or not subject to control by others; or not requiring or relying on something else : not contingent; or not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood).

This week we celebrate Independence Day on the 4^th of July here in the US to mark the anniversary of the publication of the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain in 1776. This represented the freeing of Americans from British Rule. While we commemorate what some would call a great memory many years ago – I ask you to reflect on what led up to this point. It was a difference in opinion in the governing minds, mostly among the overarching authority. Many may recall some of the opening remarks to Lincoln’s famous speech- the Gettysburg address several years later -
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. ….”
There are some of you who may be waging a war – it could be an internal one, maybe not knowing what to do as you face a situation as your loved one struggles to assert their independence while you try to keep them safe. It’s funny that this tug of war – a one of independence -reminds me of a situation I encountered with my Dad. He wanted to be treated the same as if nothing had changed but the reality was that it had. I recall a time when I finally had to take the car keys. He wanted to drive and I was a concerned daughter. I noticed that his reflexes weren’t as sharp as they used to be and that could be dangerous when you need to be able to react quickly. A simple discussion filled with a pleading of concern was not enough. Was this a situation that he could no longer endure? The answer was becoming apparent, it was a safety hazard. Could I have that on my heart that something could have been prevented if I could stop it? I no longer could hold back my concern and had to assert my authority. We met on that great battle field and so began a new normal – a new nation. I no longer allowed him to transport himself to his treatments but provided an alternate arrangement of transportation that would keep him and everyone else safe. The keys and the car was a symbol of the last bit of independence he had as he didn't have to rely on someone else, but now that was going to be a need. Giving up those items was met with great resistance but eventually he warmed up to it. I guess because he had no choice but to accept it. I really think he had to come to terms that his independence while it was hindered somewhat, it wasn’t totally taken away. What I had to do was ensure that he was safe. Sometimes it's a hard decision to make but it was for the best. Is there something that you are thinking about or concerned about concerning the future of a loved one? Perhaps you’ve been wanting to scale back the driving habits of a loved one or maybe it’s something else at home that’s of greater concern. Do you need a little encouragement or just something to give you an edge of how to prepare for what may be forthcoming in the future? Do see warning signs that keep nudging you that something has to done, maybe an action plan or something to ease into those conversations? To help you get started, I’ve created The Caregiver’s Prep Guide. The prep guide includes a self-assessment to walk you through the questions to ask yourself to get prepared and evaluate what you are already doing and what may be necessary in the future. To find out more visit https://bewellbeswell.com/caregiversprep to get your guide. On this Independence Day, I wish you rest, reflection and I send you encouragement, you can endure and you shall make it through.

A Not So Random Encounter

This happens more often than you would think. Normally I would not share but I felt like putting pen to paper.

Just remember this -how you treat people whether they are familiar, a stranger, friend or foe matters. ~Denise Bampoe

So I'm walking into the office building and this guy was ahead of me who was also coming in from the parking lot. He never held the door even though he was just steps ahead of me. You know that women as a collective.. must carry an entourage with us..lol So here I come with my purse, lunch bag and an extra bag with sneakers for my lunchtime walk along with my tea mug in hand..... Annnnnnd boom he plows through the two double glass doors... "I know you see me behind you..but I don't matter right?", I said to myself. I continue walking because I usually take the stairs since it's a healthy choice and the elevator takes forever especially in the morning. I feel bad since I only have to go up one floor. But I digress... Any who.....guy continues just ahead of me and goes up the stairs and in similar fashion fails to hold the stairwell door and then comes to a dead stop. He has no pass and can't gain entry into the office. I arrive just after he abruptly let the door close behind him. But now who's stuck????? I have the key. He then realized that I was going to the same place and that I have access...hmm I guess I must be somebody. I look in my purse for my pass and without me saying a word, he begins to apologize and explains that he works with so and so and his team member wasn't there to let him in. I just look at him and gather that he's either new or a consultant. You see -he's entering a restricted access area and that would indicate that he didn't belong there. We're generally told to direct anyone without a pass to enter via the reception area so someone can verify their need to access the premises, especially since we work with sensitive information and security is a high priority. His team member finally came to the door. But wait -you should recognize that I only got an acknowledgement aka an unsolicited apology once he needed entry and realized that I had the key. I am not invisible. I do matter. I am a woman, a wife, a daughter and a caregiver. Just because you don't know me or anything about my background, my education level or pedigree doesn't mean that I don't have access. I think that maybe I should have said, " Oh my name is Denise and I work on this team and with so and so.." to establish that I have a title and position. I did not and no I really don't think that should be necessary as I do belong and should be seen for who I am. I should not be dismissed for what appears to a select few as an inconvenient encounter. Who or what do you let define you? Declare today that you need no one's approval and carry on holding your head high and walk in God's authority.

Don’t Just Sit There! Start Doing For Yourself What You Do For Others!

Do you ever notice that you will work hard at something for someone else? Why is it that you can be dedicated to do something you are good at when you are working for someone else? You will work day in and day out, and study to perfect your craft, for whatever it may be, to climb the ladder to achieve a status for some kind of outside validation. But challenge yourself to to that very thing with the same level of dedication and you run out of steam. You become too tired -One reason may be that you are putting that energy toward things outside yourself. Take me for example, I write for a living and I’m supposed to be writing for pleasure on a daily basis… but.. I won’t finish it here because it will just be an excuse that I shouldn’t give legs to move. So what are you doing?

Are you pouring all your energy into pursuits that benefit others?

-or-

Are you pouring into yourself by giving yourself time to replenish?
Seek to do things that give you joy and serve as a vehicle where you can get lost. This will leave you feeling energized and then the fruits of your labor will sprout, grow, and expand. You will reap what you sow. Don’t sow all your seeds into something that doesn’t feed your joy. Your experience will be nurtured by the thoughts and actions you are fed. Remember to be kind to yourself.

A Look Inside Into How I Became Better

It can be tough to sit back and watch your loved one’s health deteriorate. I know it was for me. Daily, I watched my parents struggle with deteriorating health and observed how the strong people that used to take care of me now needed me to take care of them. Yet, I had to come to terms that this was a new normal and I had to get to point where I had achieved a level of acceptance. In the beginning, I had lots of fear and resistance. I felt a type of loneliness or some type of distress, as I wondered how I would deal with this situation. I mean this is not what I was supposed to be dealing with. At times I felt angry. Some of this was misdirected fear that was manifesting itself as anger [with God – yes I admit I thought this!] for allowing this to happen and making this situation come up at the most inconvenient time in my life. I mean while everyone was planning trips and going on to the next stages in their social and family life, here I was running from doctor’s offices to specialist visits and dealing with extended hospital stays. Questions like why now? Why me? Why them? Began to surface in the forefront of my mind. I admit, I didn’t want to deal with it. I sat in a period of denial which forced me to gloss over the situation because I truly didn’t want to believe that this was real. But it was. There came a time where I could no longer function in a level of denial and I had to step up to the plate and make some hard decisions. After all, I was an only child and now both of my parents needed me. I knew I had to step in and become the primary decision maker they needed and not be so focused on just myself. I wondered what gave me the authority to be the head of someone else’s life. Why did I have to adorn this responsibility? Truth be told -I was, as a young adult, just getting the hang of being responsible for myself. It’s like I was thrust into the fire pit and didn’t have the ability to put out the fire because I didn’t have any water and the air was dry. At some point I realized that I had to take a deep breath and then let go and begin to organize. I learned to just take one step at a time. I’ve made it through the multiple surgeries, extended hospital stays and rehab visits for not only one but two parents, who at one point were in the hospital simultaneously. I learned to accept that challenges will come. However, with careful planning and mental and emotional preparation, I was able to get through this and if you are going through something similar you can get through this too. It made me more resilient and toughened me up. I sought the support of others in similar situations in a caregiver support group, where I was able to connect with those who could understand. I learned that it’s important to not isolate myself. I also learned that it was key to set aside time for myself. A little bit of solo time and time spent with others away from the caregiving situation goes a long way. Giving of myself made me into a better person – more compassionate and empathetic and understanding. It allowed become an advocate and be a voice for others. I never would have thought that by saying yes and accepting this call, that this experience would help me to evolve into a better version of myself. Caregiving will mold you like a piece of clay into a fine piece of pottery –imperfections and all. This is what will make you great.

Join Me – Upcoming Podcast Episode Coming Soon – November 9th

Hi folks, Can you say excited???? I went to a conference this past August and met Michele Berard. It was in between sessions and I introduced myself and we just started chatting like we had known each other. It was so cool. I shared a little bit of my story as a caregiver and my mission to help caregivers with the tools and resources so they can be the best advocate for their loved ones. After hearing my story, she said she asked if I would like to be on her show!! I graciously accepted and here we are. So stay tuned! Check back here on the 9th to listen in!

How Can You Make Sure You Are at Your Best While Caregiving?

There are over 44 million of us across the nation who care for the family members and friends who are chronically ill, elderly, or who have a disability. With caregiving comes with challenges but there are also great joys with being able to serve and support a loved one. I especially want to express my gratitude for the work that you do each day to ensure your loved one is able to live in their home and community.

How can you make sure you are at your best during caregiving? One way is to make sure that you are meeting your needs and utilizing tools and resources to help yourself. Let me introduce you to the concept of Be Well Be Swell.

What is Be Well Be Swell? It's a lifestyle. It's a concept - something that we all must adapt to is to begin to lead a life of service with joy even in the midst of challenge Why we must adapt to this? it just makes it so much easier to move through life if you are moving on a trajectory filled with joy. When you are moving with joy, it can make things a little bit easier. I find myself sometimes just mulling over things in the past that I have not done. To tell you the truth for the past few months I had been feeling like I've been in a cloud or a fog if you will. You know what we get the chance to start fresh brand new every single day.

What I am challenging myself to do now is to #DOITNOW. And also, not only do it now, but take it in small bites. I have a tendency to try to jump in there and try to complete everything. If you're trying to care for somebody else and you have a family and you have all this stuff going on in your life including work - it is hard to complete all of these tasks. Now I'm finding it a bit more easier to break stuff down and do it in smaller bits. Set a goal and say I'm going to look to doing this a little bit each day, or once a week, or once a month, and then it doesn't become as overwhelming. This allows my attitude to be better because I'm not as stressed and pressed and frustrated because I haven't gotten that thing done. I'm going to encourage you to think in terms of "doing it now".

What is it that you have put off? Is it getting those documents that you need - that power of attorney document- sitting down with your accountant or maybe having that one doctor's appointment. All of these things are important. One day you are going to wake up and say OMG, I got to get all of this stuff done!! And Now it's almost the end of the year and I have to finish all of these things. What's going to happen is that you're going to feel overwhelmed. Overexcited and then you're going feel like OMG I can't do this. Then what happens is that you come to a full stop. You know that I am sooo right. Do you know how I know that I'm right.. it's because I do it myself. I found that I have been beating myself up for not getting things done. However, there's a lot of things on my plate. I'm sure that there is a lot on yours too. I keep saying that as a caregiver I wear so many hats - I'm a lawyer, a doctor, a nurse, a chef and all of these things are titles that I have adapted and have done so to accommodate and be in service to other people around me and you just have to stop! You have to say hey.. I"m done for today. I need to go to sleep. I need to get some rest. If you don't you're going to find yourself in an exhausted state. If you don't you're not going to be able to help anyone. You'll end up being so empty and tired and won't have the energy to do anything for anybody else.

I just want to remind you that it's ok to say no. It's ok to take a break. It's ok to put some things off but don't do it for too long otherwise you're going to find yourself feeling stressed and pressed to try and catch up on the things that maybe could have been done a little bit sooner. Here's what I want you to do - erase these words from your vocabulary - should of, could of, & would of. I know this can be hard but to be honest with you, I'm really talking to myself. As of late, I really had to sit back and tell myself this same thing. Sometimes it's a daily thing that I have to remind myself to take my time, pace it, and get one focus. Take a break and don't just work through the entire time - stop and take your time to just do a few things. Pick out the most important thing for the day - maybe one or two things or at the max three but that could be pushing it. Say hey I'm going to work on these things today for myself (which may of course be on top of your regular responsibilities. This is why it becomes important to focus on a few things for yourself -carve out some time and break it up into small bites. Maybe tomorrow pick a different category and move from there. Otherwise, you'll be facing burn out and then comes resentment because you have things that you have to do for others. This often happens because you didn't take the time out to do things that are important to you. I just want to remind you that these are things that if you do them and especially over time, you'll reap the benefits and you'll see that things get done slowly if you take small bites. For the rest of this month I want to encourage you to think of ways that you can be your best at caregiving. What's one thing that you can do today? I'll give you one to start - check out the prep guide and get started today!

When the caregiver becomes the patient: Where have I been?

The first quarter of the year is done and we’re midway through the second quarter. You may have been wondering where I’ve been. Well the tables had turned and I – that’s right …lil ‘ol me became the patient -the care recipient, the caregivee. So what happened? While I won’t go into the specifics of my condition, I will share a snippet of my journey. You haven’t seen me around as I needed to take some much needed self-care moments to heal physically and now I’ve come to realize that I needed to heal emotionally. As a caregiver, you jump into the role of superwoman (or superguy if you’re a male who might be reading this). You zip here and there often to help everyone else. However, you never really slow down because you have work, activities, doctor visits, in between spending time to persuade you Mom or Dad to eat that piece of broccoli which is healthy when they’d prefer to sneak a snickers bar. While you are consumed with doing all of these things, you also never really consider that you may be on the other side of the hospital bed on the receiving end of care.

Being Vulnerable

When I think about this, lots of emotions bubble up to the surface. After the initial shock of the diagnosis wore off and I calmed down… I asked myself the typical questions that anyone would in this situation – Why? Why me? Why now? Only this time as the patient, I was on the other side of the table -the side where the doctors are asking you questions and giving you an unexpected diagnosis. How do you feel? I felt scared and also felt like this is not really happening. Am I in an alternate universe? Am I going to wake up and it will be confirmed that this is all a mistake? Yes, that’s what it is! No - but in actually it was not and won’t ever be.

Now it was my turn to fill out the pages of paperwork at the doctor’s office, pre-testing and of course the day of the procedure. Of course, now I’m suffering small bouts of amnesia – what is my family medical history? When was the last time I experienced this or that? Gosh – I can’t remember. Is this how my parents felt all those times that I filled their paperwork out in the doctor’s waiting room? It is then I want to shake myself and say snap out of it Denise! You know all of this stuff. And then I drew a blank.. and this is when I recall…remember the toolkit.. the one you created for your parents with all the info on them, you should have already done this for yourself!! Dang! I knew there was something I had to do!! It’s too late now. I promise myself to get to this right away after I get through this.

It’s my turn to be under the microscope and now I’m forced to ask for help from others. Now is not the time to be superwoman. As I sit in the waiting room filling out paperwork, I couldn’t help but feel anxious. I’ve recently learned that I have developed this particular ailment….

Stay tuned for next week’s post as I continue my story….

When the caregiver becomes the patient: Where am I going?

Yes folks – We left off as I was about to discuss my particular ailment. ( If you missed it, click here for Part I.) I have developed – white coat syndrome. What is this you might ask?

White coat hypertension, more commonly known as white coat syndrome, is a phenomenon in which people exhibit a blood pressure level above the normal range, in a clinical setting, though they do not exhibit it in other settings. It is believed that the phenomenon is due to anxiety experienced during a clinic visit.]

Since when did this become my issue? Good question- now I have something else to worry about. I say to myself, “They are going to think I’m sick!! Next think you know I’ll have to go on meds and be handed a prescription! Ok snap out of it Denise, you’re fine, it’s just nerves!”

When the nerves are running high and anxiety is at its peak – you worry what will the doctor say? I try to calm down and slow my breath because my heartbeat is rapid. I appear visibly calm – because I am great under pressure -but on the inside I am so nervous. I hear Ms. Bampoe – Ok I guess it’s my turn. I walk down the hall to the next available room set up just for me and before I prepare to disrobe, the nurse asks for me to roll up my sleeve so she can take my blood pressure – anxiety sets in. She takes it and its sky high – ok this is not normal and if it were, I wouldn’t be able to sit there and function. It’s not normal but what’s normal these days – I’m under a lot of stress -actively caregiving, managing a household, work and now this unexpected event manifests itself and you want me to calm down and take it easy??? I can’t calm down; but I need to. It won’t change the outcome. So there’s the diagnosis and fears compound. The doctor leaves the room and you wait for results and each sound as you sit on the exam room table is filled with trepidation. Each squeak…is that the doctor? What will she say? More tests? More scans? A procedure?

Geez. It was then that I realize that I’m out of control. I’m not dealing with stress as well as I thought, nor am I fearless.

And all that I feared was confirmed it was – more tests, another scan ending with a procedure.

This is what my parents felt as I shuffled them off to doctor’s visits and to specialists and procedures. It’s nothing like it until it’s you that is personally going through it. This is why time, healing, and reflection is important. It’s key to do this not only when you are sick but exercise self-care while you are well. It will equip you to handle things a little bit better when things get off track. I’ve learned that things eventually get off track but we, as caregivers, are all resilient beings and are more than capable of rebounding if we allow ourselves the time.

So, folks that’s where I have been. I’ve been a patient dealing with all the things - the emotions, vulnerability, diagnosis and fears and just coping and trying to juggle getting back to a normal life while balancing attempting to keep stress to a minimum while not succumbing to my fears. I realize this is what my Dad or my Mom may have felt. While I may have been able to put it into words, my parents may not have been it is a gift to have had those encounters with them and I can call upon that same experience to help myself. Maybe one day I’d share more specific details but until then I am well and essentially I am back!

I’ve been through my own caregiving journey on the other side of the hospital gown. It’s not at all pleasant or pretty but at times these things are very necessary. These set backs come to show you how much you can endure – you learn how strong you are and God reminds you of your purpose. In my own recent experience, I’m reminded of the tools that I created to help me to navigate caring for both parents simultaneously. How to keep track of history, diagnosis, records and dealing with doctors and makings sure quality of care is maintained. However, instead I was in the hotseat and had to rely on hubby to help me out in this situation. For those who have never had to navigate this type of journey before – don’t fret that’s why I am here. If you want to learn more about how I can be of service to you, start here.

I look forward to serving you and helping make your life just a little bit easier while you are caring for others or perhaps caring for yourself.

Be Well,

Denise

STOP:

#OperationSimplify is a lifestyle.

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